I am partially quite happy about this. We have had so many doctors visits and meeting specialists and tests that it is nice to be standing at the end of what has been a very long road. Eight (nine? life has been a bit of a blur this past year) months ago, Michael and I got called in to visit with Gabriel's teachers at daycare because they were noticing abnormal behavior that could be seizures, and everything since then has been a bit of a whirlwind. After tomorrow, we have one more hearing exam, and then we meet with the pediatrician to talk about it....and our journey is over. No more specialists, no more wondering.
But another part of me is quite apprehensive. I'm nervous about what they could tell us, about how it will affect our future. They may tell us there is something wrong with our son. Something life long, life changing.
Sometimes you just don't want the answer to your questions. Curiosity has its downsides. All we can do is keep hoping and praying for the best, and deal with whatever comes our way.
Monday we had an ECI appointment with Cassie. She could tell how anxious I was about this upcoming appointment, so she helped me make a list of what Gabriel does well, what we love about Gabe. It is so hard to get focused on the things that Gabriel is not doing that we don't notice some of the things he does really well.
For example, Gabriel has fantastic motor skills. He is very strong and can climb and jump and tumble and flip and does this flat-footed squat position that is (frankly) physically impossible. He can drink from an open cup or bottle without spilling any, build block towers as tall as he is, and manipulate little beads through bead tracks.
Gabe is so loving and affectionate. He will pull people in for kisses, and his hugs are some of the very best in the world. Though most people can't see it, he is very sensitive. What his sister and Daddy think of him means the world to Gabriel, and he wants very much to make them like him.
There is so much that is beautiful and special about my little boy, and I don't want to lose sight of that just because there are some things that might be "wrong". No, wrong is not the right word....different. There are some things about Gabriel that is different. Different is not such a bad thing--I have seen what is "normal", and for the most part, normal people are dillholes.
I kind of got carried off on a tangent there--
The appointment tomorrow is at 1.30 and will last some several hours. I have spent a good deal of time researching what I could expect, but of course there is still a lot that I won't know until we go ahead and do it. It is with a Dr. Driskell, who is a child psychologist, and it is to judge his development against what it is "supposed to be"; to judge whether or not my Goo-Boo is autistic.
~Andie~
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