Blessings from Trials

So it may sound like I am complaining a lot on here about stress. And to be frankly honest, I do feel so weary and discouraged. But if I stand back and look at it, many of the trials we have been going through recently have been blessings in disguise.

For example, Michael getting the MRSA infection and having to have his leg stabbed. On the one hand, he was unable to work for two weeks which means he was unable to sell cars, which will put us in a bit of a financial bind. Not to mention the unexpected doctor's bills and medicines and bandages....it adds up.

But a month ago, it sometimes felt like we were just four people that lived together...if that makes sense. As much as we love each other, we were all just drifting from our day to day. Michael worked so much and we rarely got to spend time with him; when he was home, he was exhausted and burned out and had no more patience left for us. And the kids and I were not helping--we all demanded his attention, his time. I was burned out from watching the kids all the time and wanted a break, but I wanted to talk to him, spend time with him. The end result was two stressed parents that were feeling unappreciated and unheard, and were bickering more than necessary. Emerald and Gabriel thought the best way to get their father's attention was to misbehave; even negative attention is still attention. Both of us were fed up with their naughty behavior, but they were just so excited to see him.

Spending two weeks where Michael was here every day...it was wonderful. I feel awful saying that because I hate that he hurt and that he had to go through that experience; but I can't deny that I loved having him here. All that pent up need to interact with one another was finally fulfilled--he got to read to the kids and wrestle with them; to talk to me; watch movies as family or go to the park (for short bursts) or even just driving around town. He was unstressed (probably because of the drugs, but!...) because he had all the time in the world. It was really great having him here, and I feel incredibly blessed to have gotten that time for us, for Emerald, for Gabriel.

Changing my attitude about the things that are happening has made a world of difference in my ability to cope with what is coming our way. So what if Gabriel may be autistic? I know who he is, and darn it all, I LIKE it. He is sweet and loving and patient and sensitive...I love who Gabriel is; no doctor's diagnosis is going to change that. Who cares if I have gestational diabetes? The insurance pays for me to see my Benjamin more and I have less problems losing weight post-partum, which is a big plus. Why does it matter that Emerald is fighting me so hard on potty training? She'll learn at her own pace, and it's not like she'll use diapers forever; why am I in such a rush for her to grow up?

My goal is to try and maintain a positive attitude about the ups and downs of our family life =) Who know what blessings God has in store for our future.

~Andie~