Hospital Stay: First Day

Now that the drug induced haze has lifted, I will attempt a clear-headed recounting of the first day of the hospital--the birth, the visitors, etc.

For some reason, I decided to get dressed up to go to the hospital. Part of it was because pants were officially no longer comfortable to wear as they were all too tight, and my sun dress was much more accommodating. Because the c-section was scheduled for 9 am, Michael and I needed to be up there no later than 7 to get all the prep stuff done. Pre-registration is done over the phone several days before, so I didn't have to worry about that, but even so I had to sign a lot of paperwork.

My mom and dad had arrived late the night before--about 11--so they woke and dressed the kids and brought them up to the hospital a little closer to the time of the birth. Because I am overly controlling, I had packed the diaper bag, the fun bag, and set out the clothes that I wanted the kids to wear so that Mom wouldn't have to track all that stuff down.

I was feeling pretty good when we got there. It was a lovely day, and I love early morning, even if I am super cranky britches. Michael would be able to be there either way because the dealership is not open on Sunday mornings, and the pregnancy that had been so trying was finally coming to an end. There were no nerves, no worry, just calm. At my last Dr. Killeen appointment, we had discussed the possibility that Michael would be able to come back while I had the spinal and be with me, and Dr. Killeen had been supportive of it.

There were three nurses helping me get ready, which was kind of weird. Maybe it was just a slow day because it was a Sunday. I know from asking that there was one other woman that went into labor and delivered that day, and that another woman had an emergency c-section, but we were the only ones to have babies that day, so there were only 3 little babies (including our Benjamin) in the nursery.

From past hospital experiences, I know that I have curvy, "valve-y" blood vessels, whatever the heck that could mean, so IV's tend to be a little difficult to place. One nurse tried to put it on the back of my left arm near my wrist (what I assume is the traditional place to put it) after I had informed her of my apprehension. It slid in easily enough and it looked like it would take, but it became apparent after a moment that it had not taken. Instead of doing the decent thing and removing the needle to try again, she adapted a look of consternation, and proceeds to press down on the needle, allowing the saline solution from the IV to pump into my arm and swell up. Hurt really badly, made me kind of mad, but I wasn't going to let it get to me. The other nurse took her time and found a good vein...on the back of my dominant hand. Which, since she got it in on her first try, I was not going to complain.

Rhonda and Ken, and then my parents with Emerald and Gabriel, arrived to see us before the surgery began. The nurse loaded me up in the big ol' wheelchair, and we started down the hall...

...and I start to panic again. I am shivering from head to foot from the cold, I am sick to my stomach, and right here, right now is the very last place I want to be in the entire world.

Michael noted that it was interesting that I got freaked out before I had Gabriel and Benjamin, but I was calm and collected when I had Emerald. I think that may have been knowing versus not knowing--with Emerald, I didn't know what to expect, so I had no reason to be nervous. Each time I went in with the boys, I knew exactly how it was going to go, how the healing was going to be...I think I made it scarier than it was.

Michael talked quietly to me, stroked my hair, calmed me...I think I was afraid until the moment that we were back there that they weren't going to actually let Michael be with me. The anesthesiologist came out to talk to us, and it was his decision whether Michael would or would not be allowed to stay with me, which I thought was kind of interesting. Dr. Killeen was the leading surgeon in this situation, so you would think that he would be the one to make that call, but they let the man administering the spinal decide whether or not he wants spousal observation. He asked Mike if he passed out at the sight of blood or needles, and I wanted to laugh because Michael was about to go back and watch them slice me in half, stick a hand in the wound, and pull out his son...if that didn't make him pass out, why on earth would a little needle stick in my back rattle him?

The spinal is kind of scary: the anesthesiologist puts me on a big T-shaped table, makes me curl my spine toward him...they always say it's like an angry cat arching its back. Anyways, they poke around on my back for a bit looking for a good spot to stick a ridiculously big (but thin) needle, clean it three times with solution I am certain they are storing in the fridge, then I get the "bee sting"--the shot that numbs the area, but for some reason burns like heck going in. You feel the pressure of the big hollow needle go in, and almost immediately, your legs become very warm and heavy (if the spinal is intended for pain management, I assume--I don't know how it would be for the diagnostic test). Before you are unable to move your legs, they assist you to lay back, and then they handle all the catheter placement and stuff like that while you slowly become warmer and number.

As soon as my legs became warm, I started to relax. I had warned the doctor that I had freaked out last time I had a c-section, so he had something for anxiety on stand-by in case I needed it, but warned me that if he did have to administer it, I would not remember (or possibly not be awake for) the birth of my son. He ended up not having to give me anything because I was very relaxed after that point.

You really don't go entirely unfeeling. I wonder if it is even possible without them paralyzing you for you to feel absolutely nothing. But what you feel is that something is going on--it doesn't hurt, you are just aware of the fact that someone is touching you. It all went very quickly--I felt them cleaning the skin, a slight tugging near my hips where I assume they were cutting into me, and then great pressure near my ribs. They were pushing and pulling little Benjamin out of my tummy!!

Babies are gross when they first come out. Benjamin was the first yicky baby I had seen--Emerald and Gabriel I didn't see until they were clean and wrapped in a blanket. I can't even remember if they let me nuzzle and kiss Gabriel before they took him away, and since they didn't get pictures of that birth, I can't go back and see.

One of the nurses said "where was she hiding this baby?" and I immediately grew concerned that I was having just a ridiculously ginormous baby, but I heard them call out the weight at 7 lbs, 14 ozs. A little bigger than I had originally been expecting but not unreal. It sort of explains how uncomfortable I was with him in there, and even though he was not born vaginally he still had some coning to his head because he was smooshed so far down in my pelvis for so long. Not much--he didn't look completely alien baby--but not the perfectly round skull of many c-section babies.

They cleaned up the little fella, gave him the vitamin K shot, measured him, got his APGAR scores (9 and 9--practically perfect) and then we got some family bonding time. They let us keep him longer than either of the other two kids; I asked Mike later, and he agreed that we were allowed more this time around. I remember looking at my baby and consciously thinking that they may have given me the wrong baby. Logically I knew that I was the only woman giving birth in the room, and that he was the only baby in the room, but I could not for the life of me figure out why he was so big. Plus, Emerald and Gabriel had looked exactly alike when born with the only difference being the hue of the peach fuzz atop their heads, but this little fella looked completely different. For one thing, he had a lot of dark hair when both the others had been born bald.

Once they got him closer to me, I realized how much of Michael I could see in him. He was a beautiful, perfect little boy and I was so excited to meet him. Michael whispered "Are you sure about the name?" and when I agreed, we officially "met" Benjamin Reilly.

By this time, I was feeling very exhausted and was beginning to drift in and out of sleep. Luckily it was time for Michael to wheel the baby away to meet the family and for me to start going it alone. I felt completely confident and fine with that as soon as I had seen my baby was healthy and happy and safe. Thus began the exhausting process of stitching me back together.

I slept in a way that I was dozing, but still aware of what was happening around me. They were concerned there was a problem with my bladder, so they apparently inflated it with water and drained it...it was fine, I don't know what they thought they saw. Glad they tried to fix it before stitching me up and leaving it for the next guy though. Dr. Killeen talked about my tattoo. Apparently, he had been under the impression that it was a buffalo, even to the point of remembering that Michael was from Colorado and assuming that I had gotten it for the CU Buffs, but I laughingly told him it was an orange bull. He thinks I'm weird for getting it. Admittedly, I am a little odd for that decision, but I don't regret it.

It felt like it took a lot longer for them to finish stitching me up than normal, and it was confirmed when Dr. Killeen came to talk to me after it was over--he said that my uterus was abnormally thinned from so many pregnancies and c-sections in such a relatively short amount of time. It was taking its toll on me, and he recommended waiting several years before attempting to get pregnant again, though I still probably should leave it at this. Looks like I am a three-kid woman. We discussed birth control options, which Mike and I have been waffling back and forth over for six months now, but for the first time, Dr. Killeen mentions an option that seems quite viable for us--Implanon, the arm implant.

He left and I was wheeled to recovery where they monitored my blood pressure, heart rate, oxygenation, and pressed on my stomach to promote uterine contractions. The nurse had to come and go a bit because there was an emergency c-section across the hall from me and they needed her help a little. But that was okay, I don't really like people hovering around me. I usually use that time to nap and to wiggle my feet to see exactly when I have mobility again. I was back there for longer than usual though because they were letting me rest, but they didn't tell Michael everything was fine so the longer stitching time plus the extended recovery equaled an unsettled Michael waiting for me to come back.

Everyone was laughing at me when I came back, and I didn't know why--even Michael looked baffled--but he explained it later...normally, around people I am reserved a little standoff-ish; the bouncy, bubbly, affectionate part of me only shown in isolated incidents to all but Mike. So my behavior was absolutely normal for him, but must have been bizarre to everyone else, lol.

For the rest of the day I was on a liquid diet--just juices, water, and broths at first, though by dinner time they were allowing me "full liquid" which meant tasty cream of chicken soup. For the most part I was confined to the bed with these circulation-promoting stockings (dead sexy, lemme tell ya) on as well as a machine that squeezed my calves every few minutes to keep the blood pumping. I handled those pretty well until the middle of the night--I was supposed to have them taken off at 5 am, but they got hot and itchy and miserable, so I sweet talked the nurse into taking them off a couple hours early. She even helped me walk around the halls that first day with lots of support. She was a very nice nurse.

My parents stayed at the house with Emerald and Gabriel which meant that Michael was able to stay at the hospital with me, lucky guy. He had to sleep on this narrow little couch, but he claims he had more room on that than he did at home with a big pregnant wife and toddler hogging the whole bed. That first night, they come in every hour to give me medicine and check on me, rub my tummy, stuff like that. They want you to rest, but that is super absurd since they are poking and prodding you so often.

So that is what I remember from that first day. Hopefully soon I will be able to recall the subsequent two days and make a record of that, but Emerald is currently sitting in time alternating between screaming and singing "goodbye..." in the saddest voice she can imagine. Sort of distracting!!

--Andie--

Emerald-isms, Sept 15

The blog is sadly in need of many updates, but this may be all I can manage for right now--here is another installment of adorable/sweet/funny quotes from my goofy, darling daughter. =)

* Uhh, mom? Benjamin is chewing on your boob... (when I was nursing)

* Can this baby be a girl baby? He can wear lip gloss and we can call him Ellie, so he be my sister.

* There are five Wearden's. 3 boy Wearden's (points to Gabriel, Benjamin, and Michael), and TEN girl Wearden's.

*I slept horribly last night and ended up sleeping in until nearly 10 with Gabe. When I woke up, Emerald was still sweetly lying in bed--who knows how long she had been awake, just laying there. I told her I was sorry, and she snuggled next to me and said "It's okay, mommy--you were very sleepy"

*We had to do finger pricks to test iron levels today--Emerald went before Gabriel, so we were trying to get her to reassure him...she goes "Don't worry, Gaby--it doesn't hurt so bad", then looks at me and says "ow ow ow! It hurts, mommy!!"

*I was emptying the vacuum when Emerald said "thank you to vacuuming, mommy--the ducks {dust} makes me cough, see? -cough cough-"

*Emerald was clutching her stomach in pain, so I told her to try and go potty. Her response: the poo-poo is sleeping in my butt, let's leave it alone for now"

* Pawpaw not at his house; he flew away in a big white airplane. But he come back soon--he forgot Glo here.

* (during prayer) Dear God, please bring Oma back home. It's getting dark and it's time for bed...

* I was taking the fabric covers off the glider so I could toss them in the wash. Emerald adopts a very serious face and says "Mommy, we don't tear up the furniture".

* Me: Emerald, are you supposed to be doing that?

Emerald: We not talking about me, we talking about you.

* My mom's dog passed away recently. Emerald told me one night, " Mama, I need to go to Oma's house. She dying of a broken heart and needs a friend"

* If you don't wash the dirty, nasty dishes, do we not get lunch? (:-/ can the commentary, little girl!)

* When I grow up, I gonna be a real pirate. I just gotta get a real pirate ship.

* Mama, what happened to the clouds? Clouds is white, not brown....(welcome to Lubbock, dear heart--that is a dust storm, lol)

Benjamin is Here!

This is my attempt at an account of the birth of Benjamin!

Last night, my parents arrived at my house around 11.30 or so from Tyler. Of course, Michael and I were still up putting together some last minute things. Emerald just wanted to wait up and see them, Gabriel had fallen asleep earlier, but was awoken by the ruckus. All in all, because of apprehension and pregnancy discomfort, I didn't get much sleep either way.

Full fasting--not even water or ice--began at midnight. Going without food was not such a problem, but I drink a ton of water and eat ice by the bagful, so I felt parched when I got here at 7 the next morning.

It only took them two tries to get the IV in, which is better than anyone's done it before. I have difficult, curvy blood vessels that swell up when you try and put needles in them, so I have to have the IV on the back of my dominant hand, which frankly just sucks. But I can cope; not that big of a deal.

All morning, Michael and I were relaxed and enjoying one another's company. Family began arriving at the hospital around 8.30, including Emerald and Gabriel so that they could meet their new baby brother. At 8.45, they wheeled me back to finish prepping for the surgery. It wast then that I began to shake from head to foot. I think that what happened is that my body was reacting to the cold, but my mind was interpreting it as terror, because my breath began to grow labored and I felt the beginnings of panic. '

Luckily for me, the very understanding and kind anesthesiologist allowed Michael to come back and hold my hand while I got the spinal. As soon as the warmth and numbness washed over my legs, I felt much calmer and relaxed. Michael being there did me worlds of good because he makes me feel safe, helps me keep myself collected.

Dr. Killeen and Dr. Hales did the surgery itself. It took a little while because they had a good deal of scar tissue to cut away. The doctors said my uterus was almost dangerously thin and it was good that they didn't wait any longer to deliver him--from what Michael told me, Dr. Hales ran his finger along my uterus to show where they would make the incision, and it was so thin that it ripped open from that digitally drawn line without them even using a scalpel. =S

It never hurts, but you can feel what is going on down there--feels like they are moving you around a bit, and then you feel them pressing down on your bump. All of a sudden, you feel incredibly flat and empty, and with that you hear the baby cry =)

Benjamin was much bigger than we were expecting, and by far my biggest baby. 20 and a quarter inches long, he was about the same length as Gabriel when he was born; but both Emerald and Gabriel weighed in at 6 pounds, 9 ounces at birth, while Benjamin was a whopping 7 pounds, 14 ounces. Dr. Killeen commented that it was probably related to the gestational diabetes which causes fetuses to put on weight. It does explain why I was so very uncomfortable that last trimester--there was not very much room in there for such a big fellow.

Little guy was born 9.41 on 9-4-11 =)

After they took him out, they cleaned him up a bit, got his APGAR score (9), and wrapped him in some blankets, before Michael and I were allowed some family snuggle time with our new little boy. My hands are strapped down to the table to prevent me from interfering with the surgery, but I was allowed to kiss his little face and snuggle my cheek against him.

Michael took the baby out to meet the family, and I got to take a nap while Dr. Hales and Dr. Killeen painstakingly put me back together. They always do it so that my bull tattoo suffers no damage, and so that after even three c-sections I only have 1 minimal scar. It really is quite sweet of them, they do such a good job. Dr. Killeen mentioned the thinness of my uterus and recommended that if I ever choose to get pregnant again that I should wait several years before trying. Michael and I are pretty happy with three kids, so we discussed long-term birth control options.

When they were done sewing and stapling me back together, I went into recovery. They gave me benadryl there to help with the itching from the morphine, plus two types of pain killers, so I was pretty loopy and exhausted. I slept for a while and they kept me back there for over an hour, making Michael quite nervous. Wheeling me back to my room, they stopped by the nursery so that I could hold Benjamin for the first time :)

The whole family was waiting for me when I came back--Oma, Grandpop, Glo, Pawpaw, Patrick, Grannymom, Dad-Dad, Michael, Emerald, and Gabriel. They were snickering every time I talked, so I think I might have been a little goofy-loopy. Benjamin had to be kept in the nursery to stabilize his body heat before they would bring him in, so I used that time to write sympathy cards to Michael's extended family as they recently lost Rhonda's grandmother GG.

This time, I am determined to give breastfeeding an honest shot, so the lactation consultant came in and gave me a hand--Benjamin is actually quite good at it! He had no trouble latching on and nurses very well. I am very optimistic.

Today for the rest of the day I have to stay on a liquid diet; there are compressors on my legs that squeeze my calves to help keep blood flowing so I don't get a clot while I am confined to the bed. All in all, it's really not a bad set up. Grannymom and Dad-Dad came back for a visit, as well as Melisa, Sydney, and Macy. It has been a quiet and relaxing day, very much needed. One of the best days of my life. I am so happy because everything has gone just so well.

Tonight I am hoping that I can get some good sleep because I am hoping to be up for visitors tomorrow. I should be getting up and walking soon--I all ready got one jaunt down the hall--and will head home on Wednesday.

Getting Ready for Benjamin Reilly

Call it nesting instinct, call it needing something to do, but I have used my time this week to prepare for the arrival of our little baby Benjamin!!

Since Gabriel was born in the beginning of 2009 and since then I have added two nephews to my family (as well as having many friends with male offspring), I would have assumed I had gotten rid of all of our baby things. It's the cycle of reuse--once you are done with everything from baby equipment to tiny newborn clothes and shoes, you pass it on down the line so that someone else can get use of it. By that reasoning, I should have purged ourselves of most usable infant items.

But I lucked out, as it would happen!

I rediscovered a vibrating Winnie-the-Pooh bouncy seat that still had the toys on the little bar; the glider/swing with all of it's toys still intact; and an infant carrier car seat with base in pristine condition. Granted, due to their disuse, I had to take all the covers off to launder, as well as disinfecting and generally cleaning up all non-fabric parts. All in all, I am pleased with the results. Gabriel is confused because he thinks these things have been set up for his benefit--I think he can vaguely recall that these were once his and it is confusing him that he is now no longer able to utilize them, but he'll get over it.

Also rescued from the confines of our storage was my glider--it took a bit of cleaning as well, but it is now set up in the boys' room so that now every major room in the house is set up to be nursing-friendly. I don't know if that will actually help me stick with it or not, but I want to give myself every advantage so I can give it an honest shot.

Other things that had been lent out found their way back to me. Jarrod and Julia sent 6-12 month baby clothes, and Andrew brought back 0-9 month clothes that we had sent to Hayden. Also back from baby Andrew (Jarrod and Julia's son) was my nice Eddie Bauer playpen/bassinet combo with the changing table built in, which I super love :) It makes nighttime just so much smoother and more pleasant with everything centrally located like that.

All in all, Benji's got quite the set-up now. There are a few things that I would still LIKE to get for him (like a tummy play mat, maybe eventually a highchair) but nothing necessary, nothing immediate. he will be here the day after tomorrow, and I think I can finally, genuinely say that (after I hang up the laundry that is resting in his bassinet, lol) we are ready for the little fella to be here!!

...which is actually probably a good thing, considering he was supposed to be here earlier this week, lol.

Anyways, hurray!!

--Andie!--

Why I Had the Amnio

Recent discussions on Facebook have somewhat sparked the question:

Amniocentesis are not standard procedure for all pregnancies, so why did I have one?

That is a reasonable question that one day I might wonder the answer to, so I figure I can go ahead and answer it here and now.

There are two main types of amniocentesis during pregnancy. They are both considered elective procedures, though they can be medically encouraged.

One is performed earlier in pregnancy, around 15-20 weeks, and can also be called an AFT (amniotic fluid test). The uterine wall tends to be thicker and further from the abdominal surface, making it more difficult to penetrate, but the baby is smaller and there is more fluid so it somewhat evens out. An amniocentesis this early is to determine genetic abnormalities such as Down Syndrome, Trisomy 13 and 18, Fragile X Syndrome, and neural tube defects such as spina bifida.

Michael and I have never opted to have this test done because of two main reasons: one, Dr. Hales is generally able to detect such abnormalities through a simple, painless, and risk-free anatomical sonogram that we have performed anyway; and two, because it carries a risk of miscarriage and pre-term labor, and since neither of us are genetically predisposed to pass on any of these fetal issues. There just never seemed to be a point, especially since Dr. Killeen assured us that Dr. Hales has yet to miss a warning sign and we trust them. It's not like it would affect our decision to keep the baby anyway, so we wouldn't want to endanger the child's life on a long shot.

Which brings us to the other type of amniocentesis--the one we actually had performed.

The other amniocentesis is to determine lung maturity; whether or not the fetus could be born without needing respiratory assistance or time in NICU. It is performed in the third trimester and can cause contractions or labor, so it is not done with every pregnancy. The uterus is generally thinned considerably by that point and very close to the abdominal surface, making the needle penetration less painful and difficult, but the fetus also takes up a great deal of room and has to be avoided and there is less fluid.

I have had this test done all three pregnancies because I am categorized as a high-risk pregnancy.

With Emerald, I had the gestational diabetes and the intrauterine growth restriction, as well as poor maternal weight gain. I was underweight to begin with and then lost a ton of weight from being so sick in the beginning. There was concerns of malnutrition, and because the fetus was having difficulty growing as well, they did want me to bump up my weight. Then the whole diabetes thing, that makes weight gain even harder to manage. When we went in for an anatomical scan and the baby's growth curve had dropped off so drastically, and she had failed most (if not all) of her non-stress tests indicating that she was unable to cope with the strain of vaginal birth, Dr. Killeen recommended an early delivery to ensure the safety of the baby.

It was not such an emergency that we wanted to take her if she was not breathing, and excess insulin inhibits lung development, which means that you have to tread extra carefully. They performed the amnio with her--we never got the results, because we were scheduled for an impromptu c-section a few days later.

With Gabriel, I had all the same problems almost word for word as I did with Emerald but with the added difficulty of uncertain due date and elective repeat cesarean (ERCS). Medical practice dictates that with the ERCS, an amnio be done to determine the fetus's viability just in case. It was precautionary, which turned out to be good since Gabriel was indeed not quite ripe enough to be plucked.

Final pregnancy, we still had the gestational diabetes, the uncertain due date, but not the IUGR; this time we traded it for maternal anemia and idiopathic/immune thrombocytopenic purprua (ITP), poor weight gain, low amniotic fluid levels....you get the idea. Basically, my tired out old body doesn't want to do this any more and is putting up a protest.

So, now you (and I) know. That's why we opted for the procedure. Strictly necessary? Nah. I could have waited all three times until I went into labor, but there is no guarantee that they would have gone well. I think the c-sections were good choices. Dr. Killeen strongly recommended them, and I trust him.

Time to go--my Mike made me Chinese food!!

--Andie!--

Little Ice Cream Shop

So a few weeks back, I was wanting to do something as a family while Michael was home...I get random bursts of energy, and Mike is usually pretty agreeable going along with it. Since I just got the pictures on the computer, I wanted to make a little post about it!

It was too hot to do anything outside, so first we took the kids to the comic shop and let them pick out a comic each. Gabriel chose a Yo Gabba Gabba board book and a Superhero Squad comic. He really likes flipping through, looking at the pages; I think it makes him feel like a big boy. Emerald had a harder time choosing what she wanted--first, she wanted this Yo Gabba Gabba trade that turned out to be $30...there is no way I am spending $30 on a book she can't even read. She had trouble getting a little overexcited, wanting to run around and pick out a dozen books, so I had to take her out to the car and let her calm down. When we got back, she picked a Winnie-the-Pooh animal dictionary that I thought was going to be another $20 book, but when I checked it, it was only $3! I was blown away, because this was a nice, hardback book and it was cheaper than new comics! So we let her get that one.

If you're wondering, Mike got a couple of Marvel comics that had just come out, and I got "Spider-Man Noir" which was on sale.

After the comic shop, we went to an old-fashioned ice cream shop that had just opened up down the street...it was really reasonably priced! They had kid's scoops for $0.60 each, so Gabriel got vanilla and Emerald got bubblegum; Mike got a gigantic chocolate milkshake; and I just got ice water (no sugar-free options, -wistful sigh-).

I don't think Emerald was very impressed with her bubblegum treat, which was not technically ice cream or frozen yogurt, but kind of this...I don't know how to describe it, except to say that it was similar to a snow-cone, but not exactly. Either way, she was more interested in the old fashioned jukebox than she was eating.

It was a lot of fun, and the whole outing barely cost us anything--I think we will do it again soon. =)

-Andie-

Finally! Pictures from Joyland

I intended to put these up a long time ago, but I just never got around to it. So here they are now from the company picnic!!

Riding the little cars--really noisy affair, where you can twist the steering wheel and beep horns.

Emerald, looking very pretty in her pink and yellow. This was one of the first trips out with her in big girl panties and no accidents!

Riding Daddy's soldiers; then Glo taking Gabriel on the carousel.

Gabriel loved the train--I am so glad that I was finally able to go on a ride with them!! Michael sat with Emerald, but we needed someone to take the picture!!

Getting way hot and ready to go home.

Leaving the park :)