Yesterday was Mike's day off, as well as Sunday and the first day of Vacation Bible School. It was going to be quite the busy day!!
Sunday started out on a sour note. We got up early to get ready, but while I was trying to get myself presentable, Gabriel was standing on the toilet trying to stuff my jewelry down the drain and Emerald was digging through my armoire asking if she could wear everything. When I finally managed to scare them out, I realized that I didn't have the foggiest notion where my glasses were. I didn't want to go to church without them, so we had to tear the house apart looking for them--ended up being beneath my bed for who knows what reason (probably Gabe). So, we were all tense and cranky, but we were packed and dressed and on our way.
On the one hand, he benefits from being with the younger because they are still restrained in the chairs, he may be able to focus on the subject material a bit better, and because of they have more volunteers for that class. For example, when we put him in that class yesterday morning, there were roughly 5 volunteers, one of which held Gabriel and one that guarded the door so that he could not escape. But he is so much bigger and stronger, and physically and motor-wise he is strong and capable for his age, so he doesn't fit in in that way. In the older class, they expect more of him and have less adult eyes and hands to watch him, but it is where he "belongs".
We are very hesitant about what we tell his teachers because we don't want him treated differently, but if we say nothing then they will just assume he is a problem child--he doesn't listen, he uses physical indicators of his wishes (like pushing kids to indicate "run with me"), and he has difficulty settling down and paying attention. It is a conundrum, and the worst part is that there seems to be no middle ground--if we tell them that he is just rambunctious and has trouble focusing, they smile because lots of boys are like that and they shrug our concerns off as worry from over-protective parents. It's frustrating.
Anyway, off on a bit of a tangent there. The modified Sunday School came in for Emerald and for me and Michael--instead of separate classes, all the 3 and older kids that were attending VBS met together as kind of a kick-start to the week with their parents. Michael and I took her down there, and she was so happy to be at church!
Did I say "happy"? Because what I meant was "surly and unpleasant".
She didn't seem to want to be in class with us, but with her friends; she saw all these awesome activities set up that we were not allowing her to yet participate in, and because it did not feel like traditional "church", she did not adhere herself to the general guidelines of church behavior, such as talking quietly, being respectful, and not screaming and throwing fits. It was humiliating and frustrating and I just wanted to sneak out the backdoor. Probably would have if the thought of two hours a night without the kids wasn't so darned alluring.
The singing got Emerald in a better mood, and then it was activity time. There were tables set up all over the room and we were to walk from table to table, helping Emerald complete the fun little activities set up on each one. Fun!!
Only 3 years old was the youngest group they were accepting into VBS, so 95% of the tables were not age-appropriate for her. It was hectic and chaotic and exhausting, pushing our way to each table just to discover that the activity there was too old for her to be able to do. And that's not even considering that loud noises and chaos make Emerald very anxious and upset.
We took some crayons and a coloring sheet and went and sit down by ourselves to color. This made us much happier--Emerald and I sang a song for Barney but slightly revised for church: Oh, I like red--it's the color of an apple; Orange, it's the color of an orange; Yellow, it's a lemon and our wonderful sun, sun, sun! Green, it's the color of trees and lots of things that grow; and then there's blue for the sky; and purple is a color that's fun, fun, fun. And when we put those colors side by side, now what do you think we've done? We've made a Jesus, and it's a really beautiful one, one, one!
It was cute and sweet, and we were feeling a little more relaxed. After that, there was a sectioned off area that had balloons blown up that felt like the last true station that Emerald would be able to participate at (there was also a finger-painting table, but that was ill-conceived at best, considering all the kids were in their church best). Emerald loved the balloons so much, even though there was this little butthole kid that kept stealing the balloons Emerald was throwing up in the air. I almost went in there and pushed him down, but that would have been immature, and either way, there were lots of balloons and Emerald didn't seem very upset.
We decided that the balloon station was the last one we would visit since there didn't seem to be anything else Emerald would be able to do, and because it was time to pick up Gabriel. I wish I could say Emerald took us leaving well, but she screeched like a banshee and pulled on our arms and generally made the experience unbearable all the way to get Gabriel and then to the car.
We are all fairly worn out, so after lunch the kids and I lay down to take a nap. And of course, the kids fight that as well tooth and nail. For hours we lay there, nothing I did made a difference. Feeling horrible and defeated, I let them get back up even though they hadn't slept and would make the rest of our day even more unpleasant with their cranky attitudes. Gabriel ended up coming back and laying next to me and falling asleep when he was tired (which, before you say it, is not a win--I try and have them on a schedule for a REASON), but Emerald played all afternoon just as whiny and awful as I had expected.
That night we dropped them off at VBS for their first official night. Gabriel was in the Explorer's class, which is in a classroom he had never been in before, with no kids he knew, and the teacher smiled that knowing smile of "boys will be boys" while we tried to explain to her that Gabriel had special needs and would be a little difficult. Feeling incredibly insecure, we go to take Emerald to her class.
All classes are meeting in the auditorium, so we have to drop her off with hundreds of people milling around on a pew with a guy we didn't know with no idea of what kind of schedule they had or anything. She had a backpack with extra pull-ups and wipes because she is not a real potty-pro yet, especially if she is distracted by playing and she doesn't know where the bathroom is....but there is no where for us to put her bag. She will have to carry it around and keep up with it herself, and we have to make sure to get it back at the end of the night. Granted, we made it small and light so that she would be able to carry it on her back, but asking a three-year old to keep up with something all night is the height of absurdity. Nobody can tell us what time we are supposed to pick the kids back up.
I don't get it. Even ECI has said--Bright Horizons is one of the most structured daycares in the area; but this ramshackle event seems slapped together. I am beyond terrified to leave my children there, not the least because during the school year all the doors are locked and you have to show ID to pick up your child and here, there are hundreds of volunteers and parents just wandering around and there is a very rudimentary "baggage claim ticket" system for retrieving your child.
Michael was just as apprehensive as I was, but we were determined not to worry and to have a good night. I had a giftcard for Barnes and Noble left from mother's day, so Michael took me there. Originally my thought was to get a good book on autism so that I could start reading up on it, but the employee that helped us find the autism books was actually amazingly helpful--she showed us where the books were, but informed us that Region 17--a place that is mere minutes from our house--lends out books and videos for parents with children with ASD for free, as well as providing endless resources. It is a much preferable option, and it was really nice of her to help us out like that. I ended up opting to get another Jude Deveraux for my collection.
Then we had a quiet dinner where we talked mostly about books and the different things we have liked to read over the years, how our tastes have changed...it is a lot of fun to not talk about the kids sometimes =)
We got back to VBS a little early because we didn't know exactly when to come back, but it turned out to be a good thing--Gabriel was the only kid left in his class.
Okay, I am trying to decide if this upsets me or not. When we dropped Gabriel off, we put him in a chair and he was playing with a puzzle. When we came back, he was strapped into the same chair (it was a seat belt), there were tear-tracks on his sweet cheeks, and he was a couple feet away from the table that everything else would have been going on. They told me that they had to scoot him back because he kept chewing on the bumper on the table and he wouldn't stop.
What bothers me is that I don't know how long he was in that chair--he was there for two hours; had they restrained him for that long?? We had told them that he had some difficulties with classroom settings, but as volunteers, they seemed unprepared and incapable of handling a child like Gabriel. I found the situation so off-putting that I am apprehensive about ever sending him back. Now if that is my "no one will ever watch my kids as well as I do" mentality or actual genuine concerns that I should not repress, I am not entirely certain.
But we picked up Gabriel and he clung to me so tight like he was terrified I would let him go--he only does that desperate of a hug when he sees Michael after we have been out of town for several weeks without Daddy.
We go into the auditorium because that portion of the night is not quite done and we watch from some of the back pews as they wrap it all up--Emerald seems happy up there. I see a teacher from Bright Horizons that had both Emerald and Gabriel in her class right in front of us--she is pregnant with a little girl named Morgan that is coming in July. We got to talk a little about life and kids and pregnancy and stuff, and she invited us to visit the Sunday class she is a part of--Fellowship of Christian Couples. Everyone in there tend to be late twenties with kids, so Mike and I may check it out.
I fed the kids before we sent them to VBS, but they barely ate and came back pretty hungry. Emerald, true to form, screamed and kicked while we were trying to get her home because she was so tired. She said she did not have a good day at VBS and when we told her she didn't have to go back, she was actually pretty okay with it, further causing my worry. I don't know if I want to send them back.
Emerald fell asleep pretty easily that night, but Gabriel waited and waited and waited until I let him come to bed with me and Mike. Frustrating.
Bleh, at least the very long and frustrating day was over.
~Andie~
No comments:
Post a Comment