As good of a starting point as anywhere, I will lead with my darling eldest, Emerald.
Sometimes, when a new baby is introduced into the family, an older child will regress because of the stress and in an attempt to attract more attention.
Other times when a child goes through a personally traumatic experience, they will lose progress or skills as a coping mechanism.
At the end of August and beginning of September unfortunately, Emerald was subjected to both. Benjamin was born in the first week of September, right after Emerald was painfully, miserably constipated.
Oh, yes: this story is about dookie. If I have to deal with it, so do you. :p
Early in August we had finally turned a corner. Emerald's potty training had been an odyssey, with lots of frustration on both our parts, but we had finally gotten there. We could take her into public without a pull-up on, she was hardly (if ever) having accidents, and she was staying dry overnight. I was elated.
Then it seemed like she lost all her progress overnight. This wasn't the occasional lapse--this was completely resetting the game and starting at square one. I have never felt so deflated in my life. I felt like a failure. And it has been so discouraging to have to start over all over again, for both of us.
Now, it is two months later and this is still a daily challenge. Some days we have good days--no or few accidents, no power struggle just to get her into the bathroom...some days are not so good, where we have to change her six or more times and there is a screaming tantrum anytime we mention the potty; lots of short tempers and frustration all around. The doctor prescribed something for her, but it has not helped because it doesn't address any of the emotional distress that is causing such problems...this in and of itself has been very hard on the whole family.
Of course the potty issues are not the only ones plaguing Emerald right now--her stress level is high and so her behavior at home and at school as severely deteriorated. Her teachers no longer tell me what a joy she is to have in class, but that she was disrespectful, disruptive, rude. At home she argues, talks back, whines, screeches in our faces. She lies, makes up stories about how mean everyone is to her or what she has been doing.
I understand that this is not that uncommon in a four-year old girl and that she is just exerting her independence and that she will grow out of it...but I would be kidding myself if I pretended that any of that was a comfort. She's my little girl--my only girl--and it hurts me that we are at odds so often.
Gabriel is next, I suppose. Nothing new is really going on there, just the same struggles with communication and general development and sensory troubles. He is having trouble sleeping again. We had finally gotten the little guy putting himself to sleep and sleeping through the night in his own bed. Now he has moved into a bit of insomnia, waking up and unable to put himself back to sleep for hours afterwards. He attempts to use his babbles and grunts to express something to us, but it just causes him to dissolve into tears when he realizes that we do not understand him.
He is also attempting to become more self-reliant as he has lost patience with trying to get what he wants out of us. For example, before he would go and get a sippy cup to bring to me when he was thirsty. He would sign more or please and insist until I got him something. Now, he gets into the fridge and grabs the gallon of milk or a carton of eggs. We tried putting a lock on the fridge, so he broke the handle so the lock wouldn't work. We put up barriers on either side of the kitchen so he would be barred out; he scaled the barriers and persisted in his thievery.
You get the idea.
So, Emerald has become a full-time job in and of herself and Gabriel has progressed to needing unwavering and constant monitoring. Because heavens forbid I try and nurse Benjamin or help Emerald to the restroom or cook a meal--that little boy that is sitting quietly looking at his book when I get up will be in the dining room smashing my figurines or standing on the kitchen counter before my back is turned.
ONCE AGAIN, of course I know that my mother at least is laughing because this is how boys behave! Why should I be surprised that Gabriel is acting like a BOY?!
Well because it is exhausting and time-consuming and something that under normal circumstances I would be able to handle, no problem, but please now recall that I am putting Emerald in time-out or on the potty every 30 minutes, searching her room for hidden accidents, and doing load after load (bad phrasing, I know) of laundry trying to keep up with how fast she is messing them.
And Benjamin? What's that sweet little lumpling's problem?
He's a NEWBORN!!
He is, by the very definition, exhausting. And time-consuming. Each baby is different, but this one is painfully gassy and incredibly clear and alert, meaning that he is up all hours of the day and night. Not to mention that he is just a vocal child, meaning that any discomfort he is not shy from voicing. It is not uncommon for me to have to carry him around for hours, walking and bouncing him and trying to clean and take care of the kids and cook one handed.
Now, everyone will point out that I should have waited; had my kids further apart so that I could handle each trial as it arises. Or maybe had less children all together. But this way, I am getting all of this sleepless nights and diapers/potty-training and everything all out of the way at once. Is it the life for everyone? No, and I can respect that. But this is the way I prefer to have done it. So for today, I am going to complain and bitch and moan and keep trudging through with the rosy future of poop no longer being a daily conversation and sleeping through the night is commonplace just on the horizon =)
-Andie!-
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