The Ups and Downs

Since I last wrote--which was quite some time ago (I fear around Christmas time)--so much has happened. I know you missed our mundane and tedious updates, and are full of resentment that it has been six months since you could get your Wearden fix. I do apologize and hope I can make it up to all of you (Mike) that reads this!! 

In February, I woke in the middle of the night with intense pain in my lower abdomen. After it persisted for several days, I made an appointment with my ob-gyn to see what was going on. We held off because I am uninsured and have a history of difficult lady problems, so I was hoping it would just go away. 

Dr. Killeen saw me for a great discount, not charging me for the ultrasound that he performed but just for the office visit which was also severely discounted. I had a massive ovarian cyst inside my right ovary. I needed to have surgery to have it removed, but our options were limited because of my lack of insurance. We decided to try to minimize the cyst with estrogen based birth control (I was previously on a progesterone based implant); if the cyst was the result of ovulation, the birth control would get rid of it. If it was pathological, I would have to figure out how to do a surgery. 

For a couple of weeks, the pain slowly diminished. I was so hopeful! I had to go back two months after the initial visit. But more on that later. 

Gabriel turned 4 years old in February. I did not feel much up to planning a birthday party, so I jokingly told my mom to do it. She readily agreed, with the caveat that the party obviously had to be held in Abilene where she lived if she was planning it. All I had to do was show up? Done. 

Mom planned a trip to the Abilene Zoo with family--low-key is the ticket for Gabriel, and more so, the focus not being on him. At the Zoo, he was able to ride the train and ride around in the wagon, looking at each exhibit as long as he pleased. I got him a long snake stuffed animal and a root beer to drink; he didn't get to feed the giraffes because the fatties were all ready full, but we went and threw food pellets to the ducks. Uncle Jarrod studies birds, so he was able to tell us what each type of duck was by their distinguishing marks. 

We were hoping to go to an enclosed park for cupcakes afterwards, but it was too cold and kids were starting to droop with exhaustion, so we went back to Jarrod and Julia's house. Aunt Amber and Oma made orange dreamsicle cupcakes, as well as some chocolate cupcake that I don't quite remember. Gabriel had one of each and thought that was just the greatest. 

He had less than zero interest in opening his presents; he was more or less clocked out of being social at this point, so we set the presents on the floor and let all the other kids open them for him. He liked that. 

All in all, it was a perfect birthday for him. Lots of moving around outside, no one watching him, pleasantly paced day. 

Michael was having the best months at work, selling more than he had historically. He was worried sick about me, ready to take off any minute if I needed him--he hates sitting behind a desk while I am at home. I couldn't drive comfortably, I couldn't pick up my kids without much pain (none of my kids being what one would call "dainty"), and I was more tired and weak than I had ever remembered feeling. When there is a cyst, your body can confuse it with pregnancy and give you the full compliment of associated symptoms, including (but not limited to): nausea, vomiting, exhaustion, breast tenderness, lower back pain, and headaches. 

Luckily, Emerald and Gabriel were safely at school for most of the week. Gabriel had made good progress up until December; then abruptly, he reverted back to complete indifference and difficulty in school. Full hand-over-hand was required for every activity, he would not attend any task in the classroom, and participation had come to a full stop. His teachers and I were at a complete loss for why or how this could have happened, but I asked his speech therapist at home and she had some surprising insight: 

Gabriel's class at the start of the year was five boys including himself. Throughout the year, more boys were added as they graduated from ECI and transferred into PPCD or moved to the PS school district, so that by the end of the school year, Gabriel's class had bloomed to 12 boys. That is quite a change, and every time they got a new student, he had to readjust all over again. I am not positive this is the definitive answer, but it does add up. 

As for Emerald, she was still struggling in the school atmosphere. She was getting in a good deal of trouble at school, especially and consistently in gym with Coach Cole, and I got nearly daily reports of outbursts, arguments, and fights with teachers and other students. When she got home, she was generally sweet tempered, but all she wanted to do was lay in bed from the moment she got home until it was time for dinner. The only thing she would get up for is to go to the bathroom or refill her water bottle.

Like the mean tyrant mommy that I am, whenever the weather was permitting, I would make the children play outside. Of course, the weather has been so weird this year--the cold persisted well into May, which then abruptly gave way to scorching and unbearable heat. Inexplicable. Gabriel and Emerald both fought me being outside. While Benjamin would happily tottle about, Emerald would find a spot in the sun to lay down and Gabriel would sneak around trying to find entrance back into the house. 

All in all, we were still functioning just fine--the weeks were passing by and we were managing. 

Rhonda taught me how to crochet a fashionably popular ruffled scarf; I took off with it, crocheting them all like a mad woman. When the pharmacist saw and offered to buy the scarf right off my neck, I realized I might be able to start bringing some money in for the family by making and selling these scarves. Calling them "sweetheart scarves", I did reasonably well, selling enough to support my yarn-y hobbies.

For the kids' spring break, I sold enough scarves to get down to Abilene and see my family. My daddy had had a scare the month before, when his kidney numbers showed signs of failure. Miraculously, they were "fixed" and started functioning just fine, but I was so upset at the thought of losing my Dad again that I needed to go out there and spend time with them. Jarrod and Julia were in Louisiana so I didn't get to see them at all, but Amber and Jud and I got to hang out; we stayed with Mom and Dad in their new apartment, trying new foods and playing with Mom's little jerk of a kitten, Maxine. It was so great to get away from the house and from my loneliness for a while, but not so long that I missed Michael horribly. 

Michael's birthday was on April 6th. He got a spinning TARDIS for his desk, some new work clothes, and a Sonic Screwdriver; we fell in love with Doctor Who in this past year, if you can't tell. We had our "bread lady" (the woman that makes and sells loaves of fresh bread at Michael's work) make him a giant Oreo cake. It turned out fantastically. 

As the time for my two month appointment approached, I started to feel abruptly much, much worse. For weeks I had been improving and I was so encouraged that I wouldn't have to have surgery, when I began to rapidly decline. Though I had spent the bulk of last year dieting to reach my ideal weight, my abdomen was bloated and distended so much that I looked like I was with child. The pain and discomfort was constant; before I had been able to tolerate driving and lifting children on occasion, but then I could no longer handle it. I fell into anemia, so weak and trembling that I was unable to lift a folding chair. Constantly sick to my stomach, unable to eat...I was baffled. Could one little (well, it was rather big) cyst do all of this?

I went back in for my check-up, hoping for the best. My prayers had been answered!! My cyst was completely gone! 

Remind me to be more specific in my prayers for the future. 

The sonogram revealed a rather large mass that had formed in between my cervix and my uterus. Dr Killeen was unable to identify it himself, so he referred me to a radiologist who was better equipped at reading the scans. (As Dr Killeen put it: "I am just a ob. I can tell you if it's a baby or not...not a baby!")

We went to the radiologist that afternoon who preformed a few scans and called the nurse with his findings, which were basically: heck if I know. 

On his report, he wrote "cannot rule out malignancy", which subjected me to the rather unpleasant biopsy. I will not go into much detail on that rather than to say...ow. 

Biopsy came back as just blood tissue. We put me on heavy doses of progesterone to see if it could flush the mass out, and we discussed the super unfavorable option of a hysterectomy. 

Most people reassured me: you are 25! You all ready have three beautiful kids; you don't need any more. You will feel so much better after it is done and taken out, you won't have periods any more. It really is for the best. 

They meant well, and all of them had very good points...but I am just so, so against it. My mother got her tubes tied after she had me at the age of 21; when she remarried, they wanted more kids but were unable to because of the tubal ligation. I cannot imagine making a life time sterility decision at this point in my life unless we have exhausted every other option. Who knows how I will feel in five or ten years? I can always opt to have my uterus removed, but once I make that decision, there is no going back--I am to live with it for the rest of my life. 

Pragmatically, a hysterectomy is also a non-option from a fiscal and physical standpoint. Hospitals routinely work with uninsured patients to make necessary surgeries happen, but we are talking around a $10,000 procedure, of which I will have to front $2,000-$5,000. That is some serious debt to be undertaking. But even if I had the best insurance in the world, it couldn't save me from the fact that I can't have the procedure done laparoscopically. Because of my three Caesarean section births, my scarred uterus is too fragile; I would have to have the complete abdominal surgery. The recovery time is harsh--there is a big empty void where an organ used to be, and I will be in a great amount of pain. I won't be able to lift my babies for six weeks; drive for over a month. Which of course causes a problem because I am a stay-at-home Mom. My job pretty much consists of picking kids up and driving them around. 

Kind of wandered off there for a minute. Do apologize.

I reach out to my church class friends, who are so amazing. They brought us meals for weeks while I was incapacitated, called and texted and sent Facebook messages to reassure and uplift me. It really was so astounding and so heartwarming; I am proud that we are part of this community. 

Daddy came out and stayed for a long weekend to help me. I so love having my daddy around--he is such a big help, and Gabriel has never responded to anyone like he has to his Grandpop. Anything Dad does is just great to Gabe, who hangs on his every word. Dad stayed for about four days before he missed mom too much and had to head back home; the day after he left was one of the worst for Gabriel that we have ever had. He was beside himself, biting his arms until they bled, having poop accidents, unable to settle to anything...he was traumatized, and I felt so horrible for the poor guy. 

One day, Michael picked Emerald up from school. My parents had come into town to help out, keep me company. I was rather pitiful. Michael and Emerald ran a few errands, but by the time she came home, she looked exhausted, overheated, and generally sick. I sent her to bed to rest. 

At dinner, she complained that it was too hard for her throat and asked for softer food. We were eating baked pasta--I told her there really wasn't a softer food for her to eat than baked noodles, so she cleaned up her uneaten dinner and went to bed. 

That night, she was up frequently vomiting. Michael and I agreed she must have a stomach bug because she didn't have a fever. We sat up with her, and figured it would pass the next day. She stayed home from school to rest, though she hadn't vomited in hours, just laying in bed watching movies and resting. This was Wednesday. 

Mom and I ran some errands that needed to be done while Dad and Michael stayed at home with Benjamin and a sick Emerald (Gabriel had gone off to school). When we got home from lunch, Emerald was...well, it sounded like she was hyperventilating. I thought she was being dramatic (not an uncommon occurrence for her). I couldn't prompt her to eat, and she wouldn't take more than a few sips of anything. I took her onto the porch to sit in my lap and try and nibble at a cracker, but she was so weak and lethargic. It was noon so I couldn't call the doctor's office for an hour, but we figured: if she is having trouble breathing, that is a trip to the emergency room. Her cheeks and eyes were sunken into her skull, dark rings around her eyes. Her chest heaved with every attempted breath. Her arms and legs were completely mottled, and her hands and feet were cracked with dehydration. 

Michael and Daddy stayed home with Benjamin and to meet Gabriel's bus when he got home from school; I drove us to the Children's ER at Covenant. 

By the time we reached the hospital, Emerald was lolling about, barely conscious and on the brink of passing out. Her skin, normally so fair, was white. I carried her in, despite the struggle of her size and my own problems (oh, how trivial and ridiculous they seemed now!). 

Keeping calm is usually pretty easy for me--I mean, sure I get mad and flustered like anyone else, but sick babies are my strength; it's where I shine. In my head, I have more or less decided that she was probably just very dehydrated from being sick and the heat. I am taken aback when the hospital staff starts sniffing her breath, but more or less dismiss it. 

The nurses hook her up to an IV, pretty standard procedure for ER patients so that they can be given fluids and medicines as quickly as possible. Michael asks for an update, so I try and get a picture of her lying on the gurney, but she has lost consciousness--she is so ghostly and pale that she looks like a corpse, and I can't send it to Michael.

The doctor comes in much more quickly that usual, when I reflect on it. I think, "Oh, slow day". In retrospect, it took me an embarrassingly long time to put all the pieces together and figure this out. I mean, hadn't I been worried about this since she was a baby?! But I was intensely focused on the moment that it had never occurred to me, never crossed my mind. 

He had tested Emerald's blood sugar; it was 485. 

Normal blood sugar usually stays between 70 and 150, with the occasional outliers. Emerald was Type-I diabetic. 

I snuck out into the hallway to call Michael; in the room I was perfectly calm and collected, but as soon as I was out of earshot, I started crying. By his tone of voice, he was just as taken aback as I was. Shocked--pure and simple, ground right out from under us, shocked. That is the only way I can describe it. 

Emerald presented with "classic symptoms of DKA", which is usually the first indicator of Type-I diabetes. DKA, or diabetic ketoacidosis, is where the body is short on insulin to use the sugars gleaned from the foods we eat to give energy to the body. In order to keep functioning, the body begins to break down fatty acids for energy, which produces  acidic ketones that lace the blood. It makes the blood too acidic, resulting in nausea, vomiting, increased thirst, excessive urination, abdominal pain, labored or gasping breathing, lethargy, stupor...and an oddly sweet breath. Now I understood why the nurses had been sniffing at her mouth! 

She presented with significant dehydration which meant she needed to be admitted to Pediatric ICU in order to gradually re-hydrate her as well as to get her blood sugars and ketones back within normal ranges. Michael stayed at home with the boys and Ken and Rhonda came up the hospital for moral support. The ICU doctor explained that even though she would be very thirsty and ask for drinks, we couldn't give her anything because her organs and brain had been shriveled without adequate fluids--if we gave her fluids too quickly, her brain would swell and it would cause seizures, coma, or death. 

It was hard listening to her asking for water and only being able to run a wetted sponge on her lips. My phone was incessant with texts and calls, most of which I was unable to attend to--I was completely focused on my little girl. 

Michael came up to visit and Emerald wanted Daddy to stay...looking back, that was the best option for everyone for Michael to stay, but it was not the option I could have lived with. Michael was more capable of lifting her limp body for using the bed pan or moving blankets and sheets, and the boys were going to sleep better with mommy nearby; it is just a fact. But I could not leave her side. While my child is sick, I have to  be there, even as weak and useless as I can be. 

Rhonda stayed up there that night too. I slept in the bed next to Emerald, careful of all the wires and tubes that were connected to her. They had monitors for her blood pressure, oxygen levels, and heart rate, as well as three separate IVs--one for her insulin, one for fluids, and one for drawing blood to test her glucose so they wouldn't have to repeatedly stick her all night. She had an accident in her panties which was the only pair we had, so she slept naked. She thought that was pretty great. 

For most of the night, Emerald was more or less out of it. I would be surprised if she remembered anything from that night. She would wait until her bladder was hard and painfully distended before she would pee; we would all but have to push it out of her because I didn't want her to need a catheter. It was a long, long night. The night before I had been up with her while she was sick; now I was nearly delirious with exhaustion, and I had neglected to take the pain pills which would quiet the intense pain from the uterine mass because I wanted to be coherent and available to Emerald. 

Even the longest nights end, and Michael came up there looking fresh and wonderful (though he had gotten less sleep than even I had managed because the boys were distressed all night without mom home), relieving me so that I could head home and take a shower before my own doctor's appointment.

Dr. Killeen's nurse is just one of the greatest people in the world. I explained about Emerald and everything, and when they ran the scan, the mass had not budged even in the slightest. Renay (the nurse) disappeared for a few minutes, then came back and told me that the surgical center had agreed to work out a payment plan with me without any money down so that I could have a D&C the next morning to remove the mass. 

A Dilation and Curettage (D&C) is a procedure where you are sedated, the doctor progressively dilates your cervix and scrapes out whatever foreign or offending yuck is inside your uterus. It was a quick, inexpensive procedure that would get me back on my feet and get rid of that mass that was really ruining my every day life. 

The best part was that it is an outpatient procedure--I would be in the surgical center for about three hours, but then I would be right back on my feet, ready to go back and take care of Emerald. 

Mom and I went and did all the pre-surgery paperwork and blood work, then I grabbed some balloons and went back up to see Emerald. Oh, what a difference a day made! She was up in bed, eating an apple and a ham and cheese sandwich and drinking as much milk as the nurses would allow her. When I had left in the morning, she was about to brave her first cup of sugar-free jello to see if she could keep it down, and now she was on solid foods! Her and Daddy had a great time, watching movies and hanging out; she wants me when she is "sick", but boy when that girl is well, she is Daddy's inside and out.

She had all ready had lots of visitors, and her spirit was back tenfold. She is just the sweetest thing when she is getting all the attention, and she is basking in being lavished in gifts and love. Aunt Amber and Grayson drove up to be with us, and Uncle Jarrod, Aunt Julia, and Andrew, and Beth and David were planning on being there that weekend. Family and friends and church were surrounding us, supporting us. It was overwhelming and wonderful. 

We decided that Michael would stay at the hospital that night with Emerald so that I could try and get some sleep before my procedure. After I left, they moved a now stabilized Emerald into a "regular" room and out of ICU. 

Ben and Gabe were so beyond relieved to see me. Gabriel hadn't seen me since he had gotten on the school bus the day before; Ben had gotten a brief time with me when I took my shower before my doctor's appointment, but he was furious when I turned around and headed back out. 

Bright and early at 6 am the next morning, Mom and I show up at the surgical center, first in line for a pre-work surgery. Mom and I joked back and forth; we have a weird, but happy, relationship. I was nervous, but they gave me a "forget-me-now" medicine that made everything a wonderful blur. It took about 15 minutes, half the time it would normally. Dr. Killeen is just really very, very good. A D&C can be dangerous for women that have had multiple c-sections because the uterus could rupture along the scar lines, but Killeen is too gentle and careful for that. He told mom (and me, later) that there was too much gunk to scrape out; he ended up having to suction it out like you would have to with a miscarriage, and there was a lot of it. It was sent off to pathology and I was sent to recovery.

The first phase didn't last all that long because I was impatient to be moved home. I asked to be moved to second phase, which they did willingly--said I could leave as soon as I could move around and eat something without throwing up. So Mom laughed her butt off at me as I danced around with my IV eating a muffin to prove that I could leave. Even drowsy and feeling confused and "off", I felt empty. At first that saddened me--it was the feeling of physical emptiness that I had after they removed my sweet babies--but then I realized..I am not swollen with painful mess anymore! The almost immediate relief just astonished me. 

Barely an hour and a half after we had gotten there, I was on my way home, my head and feet hanging out the window because I was pretty sure I was going to be sick and the early morning air helped. 

The doctor told me to rest for at least a day to avoid any complications, which was hard for me. I was so full of anxiety and fear; the reality of my life was setting in, a future of having a insulin-dependent diabetic child AND a severely autistic, non-verbal child...it was terrifying. I was sick to my stomach, my chest felt tight so that I could barely breathe...I couldn't sleep, even though I was so, so tired. Eventually I relaxed watching "Grey's Anatomy"--it is always easier to forget your own problems when you are watching someone else's. 

Amber came in to take care of me. Most of that day for me was spent moving from one place to another to lay down. I was sore but otherwise okay, and I missed and fretted over Emerald. Michael kept me updated--he was now administering her insulin shots, which she was so nervous about at first but then Grannymom held her and soothed her and she was okay. He was doing her finger prick glucose tests, and was feeling pretty confident. The next day the diabetic consultant would be coming in to talk to us about counting carbs and novalog and lantis...it felt all over our head and so scary. 

My procedure was on Friday; by Saturday, I was up there for breakfast to spend time with Emerald and talk to the specialists. 

The endocrinologist explained diabetes to us: it is an auto-immune disease; her body was predisposed to this condition. She would have gotten sick with some nothing sickness, which would cause her body to attack her pancreas's beta cells--the cells that control the production of insulin. By the time we got her to the hospital, usually the pancreas beta cell function is down to about 10-20%; by the end of the year, it will be down to 0% functioning where she is completely dependent on her insulin. 

Counting carbohydrates is...I wouldn't say "easy" for me, but I picked it up quickly. I had gestational diabetes all three pregnancies, so I was used to counting carbs and building meals. What I was completely unsure and uncomfortable with was the insulin shots--I didn't want to poke my baby girl! Luckily, however, Michael was absolutely fearless; he was confident and picked up the shots so naturally. We made the perfect pair! Between the two of us, we were able to handle the carb counting, covering it with insulin, shots, and finger pokes. 

A kind of quick mini course on carb counting (which they couldn't have made sound more confusing if they tried): one carbohydrate is 15 carbs, which is like an apple, a slice of bread, a glass of milk. She needs 45-60 carbs (or 3-4 carbohyrdates) for every meal, and 15-30 (1-2) for every snack. She does not get insulin for snacks as they are just to keep her blood sugar high enough to get her to the next meal. After each meal (or before, doesn't really matter when as long as you are careful and watching it), she gets 1 unit of novalog for every 2 carbohydrates/30 carbs, plus 1 unit for every 100 over 150 her blood sugar is. Which means with well controlled blood sugar, we are generally looking at around 2 units of novalog. We can go over the 60 carbs at a meal as long as we cover it with the insulin. 

The lantis stays the same regardless--it is always 7 units, every night at 8 pm. It is to make up for the baseline insulin the liver secretes everyday to keep the body going. 

Confusing, right? After a while, you start memorizing what frequently eaten foods are and so it isn't as much of a struggle, but I am still looking up a lot of things.

My family mostly took care of the boys and the house while Emerald was in the hospital--they pruned the rose bushes, hung shelves in the living room, Emerald's room, and the boy's room, did laundry, cleaned the house front to back, manned all the meals and the dishes, went shopping, and basically kept themselves very busy. No one in my family sits still for long, lol. Michael's family helped with Emerald--staying up there with her when I couldn't, doing the kids' laundry, watching Benjamin when my mom needed to be with me...we are so lucky to have so much family to help!! 

Saturday, Beth and David and Andrew Bevill came up to visit us at the hospital; after Dr. Beck (the endocrinologist) met with us, she said that Michael, Emerald, and I were an exemplary family--we had picked everything up so quickly and they were all confident that we would be more than capable of handling Emerald's diabetes. We could go home that day! 

Ummm....NO?! 

We aren't ready!! We were expecting a week long hospital stay!! And while it would be convenient to have all my little ducklings in one place again, we were petrified to be sent home with this sick, fragile (fragile? Ha!) life in our hands. What if we messed up her blood sugars? What if she went into DKA again? What if we accidentally overdosed her insulin?! No, no, no--she can stay right here with the doctors and the nurses and everyone telling us what to do, thank you very much!

Obviously you can't say that. For one thing, hospital visits are costly and insurance doesn't pay for extra days just because we are scared. Emerald could be there for four days or for forty and we would still be terrified to bring her home. It is normal to be scared, or I'd like to think it is. It was time to start living our life again. 

By that afternoon we had her back home. I had accidentally let the Medicaid for Emerald lapse because it didn't automatically renew like Gabriel's does, so we had to pay for insulin out of pocket...ouch! Nearly $600. We were blessed to have it available when most months we are lucky to have two coins to rub together, but it was still a hefty and unexpected cost. (For those of you who are worried, Medicaid will cover the hospital stay because we got them back covered and they cover up to three months of unpaid medical bills.)

The one hiccup after she came home: I gave Emerald her banana as a snack; but then she got in line for a cereal bar with her brothers and cousins, so Uncle Jarrod (unthinkingly) handed her one too. He felt so horrible, he took her outside and ran her from one end of the street to the other, and her blood sugar came out just fine before the next meal, so no harm done :) 

This is much longer  than I intended or wanted it to be so I am going to go rest my now very scrunched shoulders and cramping fingers. I don't see how people stay on the computer all day!! 

I know that this is focused a lot on me--my perceptions and feelings and perspectives--but that's because hey, I wrote it. Maybe we can see if Michael would be willing to do a guest spot on the blog and write his take on all of this. 

Have a fantabulous day and look for more updates soon (hopefully)!

--Andie

Christmas Carols (as taught by Daddy)

The Christmas carols Emerald learned this past Christmas from a combination of Daddy and Glo:

"Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer...crashed!"

"Frosty the Snowman....Melted."


--Andie

Andie Today

I got a little sentimental talking about Michael there for a minute; let's lighten the mood by talking about cuddly, bubbly Mama!!

It is hard to write about myself--it is much easier to brag on my wonderful husband or darling children than it is to talk about me. I am a woman of extremes. When I am happy, the whole world is happy with me, especially my family. The children are better behaved, everyone has a better day, and we live in cheerful harmony and love. When I have a bad day though, my surly disposition sets the tone for everybody else. I always feel guilty because then Michael has to work double-time trying to bring me out of my slump. Luckily,  for the most part I work very hard to maintain a sunny disposition and keep everything bright :) 

I am 25 years old; my nicknames are Mama, Gingerbready, Dee, Dandy, Dandy-Dee, and Andie (thought you knew my real name, didn'tcha?)

My Favorites

Games: Fallout! 

 

Fallout 3 by Bethesda came out and Philip Lopez (a friend of ours from college) swore by it. We bought it and....hated it. It was so blah and colorless and boring and we didn't know where to go and it just wasn't our thing. 

So a few months later, we try it again. And it is amazing! How did we not like this the first time?! It is such a rich and fulfilling experience!! It is set in the ruins of Washington DC years after a nuclear attack; you are a vault dweller that ventures out to explore scorched wastelands and struggling communities, fight off ghouls and super mutants and irradiated creatures that have gone mad and rabid....ahh!! It is too awesome for words.

And then, glory of glories...Fallout New Vegas, published by Bethesda but developed by Obsidian....

Oh, my. 

This game is hands down my favorite ever. It is everything I want in a game: light RPG, action, adventure, a little bit of fear mixed in...sure, real nerds will point out that when the game came out, there were some pretty significant bugs. But I didn't fall in those bugs because I don't suck, and I know I have never had more fun than when I was playing this game. 

Other games I like: Oblivion, Skyrim, Star Wars: The Old Republic, Bioshock 1 and 2, and Forza 4. 

Activities: My latest craze is crafting--I crochet mostly, but I learning how to knook (knit with crochet hooks) and knit; I would like to get a sewing machine so that I can start making simple things like pillows and curtains and skirts. I also cross-stitch though I haven't gotten to do it in years. I like to cook but I have been working on my baking lately. As mentioned, I play a bit of video games--the best time to play is when you are up late nursing a new baby (Oblivion got me through Emerald's sleepless nights; Fallout 3 through Gabriel; Skyrim for Benjamin). 

Of course my favorite since I was a wee girl has always been reading. I adore to read, anything and everything--books about history, science, nutrition, philosophy, religion; novels in every genre you can think of (except erotica, which is just gross to me); plays and poetry and sonnets...my Nook is overflowing with books queued up, hundreds of books waiting and hundreds I have all ready finished. Reading is a passion of mine and I sincerely hope it stays with me for life. 

TV Shows: There are the shows I watch with Michael like "Merlin" (which has really gotten annoying of late) and "Doctor Who" (Chris Ecceston will always be my doctor, but I really do love David Tennant), plus Supernatural, The Office, Simpsons; things of that nature. I really enjoy all of those shows, and it is fun to share them with Michael. I also have the shows I watch all by myself, like Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Desperate Housewives, and Glee. I really love shows about medicine and doctors, though not all of them are winners. I don't really think I have a "favorite" TV show. 

Food: Carnitas quesarito from Freebirds--I get carnitas, Spanish rice, pinto beans, mixed cheese, avocado, poblano salsa, and sour cream......mmmm, it is amazing. Hot wings, barbecue or spicy buffalo, though I really prefer the little drumsticks to the wing-wings. As anyone that knows me can attest, I am a shamefully picky eater. It is actually kind of easier for me to tell you what I don't eat rather than what I do; but I am trying to keep this positive and don't want to bring light to those things that I do not tolerate. More often than not, I try and eat healthy--even if I don't particularly care for it (like bananas or artichokes), I still eat them because they are good for me. 

Campbell's potato soup; whole wheat toast with sugar free orange marmalade...my favorite pie is Key Lime, my favorite sweet treat is Ferrero raffaellos, and I will love just about anything peppermint flavored. 

Movie: I love and want to believe in magic. Not like Harry Potter magic, witchcraft or wizardry, nor the slight-of-hand and illusions of modern performers. I want to believe that the world we live in is inherently and every day capable of more. Many of my favorites, including my favorite movie, reflect that love.

Big Fish

The whole movie is just beautiful and full of fancy alongside perfectly pedestrian everyday...I find it enchanting. Of course, I all ready adore Tim Burton for his whimsical style. Other movies I particularly enjoy: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Singing in the Rain. 

Songs: Since I was 13, my favorite song has been "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls. It just appeals to me on many levels, even associated as it was with a rather lousy movie. I pretend the movie doesn't exist as much as I am able. Ludovico Einaudi is a love of mine. Queen is my favorite band. I also like Pink, Matchbox Twenty, Goo Goo Dolls, Joshua Radin, Garth Brooks, Newsboys, Fall Out Boy, Aerosmith, Dave Matthew's Band, and All American Rejects. 

Currently, most of what I listen to is Christian--the kids enjoy it and I don't worry about them picking up something they shouldn't. Chris Tomlin and Matthew West are really great. 

Books: For most of my life, my favorite book was "Little Women" by Louisa May Alcott. Don't get me wrong, I still adore that book; last year, however, I read a novel that really blew me away. It made a profound impact on me and rushed to becoming my favorite book of all time. 

"One Hundred Years of Solitude" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

 

His style of writing is so artistic and lovely, combining that element of natural magic that makes scenes that much more moving. As an example: when the patriarch of the family Aureliano Buendia passes away, yellow flowers rain from the sky for three days, carpeting the entire fictional city of Macondo in petals. 

Seriously, you guys--if you have not read this book; do it! "Love in the Time of Cholera" was fantastic too, but this book is so, so much more. 

I also have worn my way through nearly ten copies of "The Baby Name Wizard" by Laura Wattenberg. It is the best baby name book on the market and really fueled my obsession with onomastics. 

Color: Gold; it is irrepressible and lasting, symbolizing balance, wisdom, and immutability. Sure, it comes on a little strong and some people find it tacky, but to me it is warm and unique. 

Flower: Carnations; they date back more than 2000 years, the pink carnations are said to have sprung from the Virgin Mary's tears at the foot of the cross, symbolizing a mother's undying love. I like them because of their delicate scent, soft shape, and unassuming beauty--my favorites are the whites (which symbolizes pure, innocent love) with tinted edges of yellow, pink, or red. 

I am a stressed out mom that expects to be able to do everything--definitely a cliche, but there is a reason mothers work themselves to the bone. We want to give our children the best of everything, the greatest shot of growing up to be well-rounded, contented, kind people that can do anything if they just work hard enough. As I spend more time with the kids, where I start as an individual and who I am as their mom starts to blur more and more; I adore them and they are my life, but I don't want to forget who and what I am. I want to remember that I have a mind of my own, a life of my own, outside of school events and nap times, even if just once in a while :) 

--Andie 

Michael Today

It's that time of year again--the Kids Today! Keeping in tradition, I will write a post about each of the Wearden children, a snap shot of who they are and what they like in this moment in time. This year, however, I decided to include the parents as well, in case any one was interested. Even if you are not, I am so I will write it any way--ha!

I will post oldest to youngest so if interest begins to wane, you can stop well before the adults :)


Michael!!

Michael is 27 years old now; he works at Scoggin Dickey as Internet manager, certified technology expert, and certified to sell Subaru, Buick, and Chevrolet vehicles. It is not his dream job but he does very well at it and is respected by management there. He doesn't have many nicknames--I call him Mickle Bear, but mostly he is Michael or Daddy. 

Favorites

Games: Easy--"Star Wars: The Old Republic"! 

It is a PC MMORPG made by the incredible Bioware; as it recently went free-to-play (meaning online access without subscription fees and a free limited copy of the game), Michael and I both decided to give it a try. Michael has always been more into computer games than I have; I prefer consoles because of the ease to play. But in this game, we can play together!! We rarely get the chance, as it is difficult for both of us to focus on a video game while watching the children, but it is fun when we have a night off. 

There are endless customization options for your character, which means that you can play well over 100 hours and never play the same story twice. Thousands of missions that maintain uniqueness and fresh gameplay without getting stagnant--for anyone who has not played "The Old Republic", it is a rare and very enjoyable experience. 

Activities: Michael likes wrestling with the boys and playing Superheroes with Emerald. He is always happy to cook, although his creative creations are sometimes a little much! He plays his Old Republic game after we have all gone to bed, and reads as much as his very busy schedule will allow. Michael is not happy unless he is learning--he discusses religion and philosophy, researches every topic from ancient mythology to history to the most cutting edge medical advances, and can debate any current issue. Technology is his real area of interest though; his love of new devices is well-known, and he spends a great deal of time working on strengthening his knowledge of software, manipulation of codes, and development of data. This particularly works to his advantage at work, where he creates and maintains the Internet business for the Subaru side of Scoggin Dickey. 

TV Shows: Mike doesn't get a wealth of time to dedicate to watching shows, but there are a few we have shared together over the years. "Supernatural" was a big hit with us--as with many topics, religion and the paranormal have been subjects of interest to him in the past, so it is interesting to us both. 

The "Doctor Who" reboot from 2005, starting with the ninth Doctor (played by Christopher Eccleston), is a current favorite of his. With the kids he likes to watch "Ultimate Spider-Man", a very cute cartoon that is fun for all of us. 

Food: Michael's favorite restaurant is Chipolte--he always gets the chicken burrito with rice, sour cream, corn salsa, and cheese. He was quite sad for years because Lubbock did not have a Chipotle; we finally got one not too long ago....and Michael still rarely gets it! We don't eat out very often, and when we do he tends to defer to things that I or the kids like better. Chic-fil-a nuggets are also a big favorite for him; he used to like McDonald's but as the years have gone on, it now just makes him full of regrets whenever he eats it. At home, he loves my Chicken Monterrey (chicken baked with salsa and Monterrey cheese sprinkled on top), my homemade Chili with cornbread muffins, and my breakfast burritos. 

Movie: There are a few that are his favorites--if we are talking modern, contemporary movies? "The Avengers", of course. We both love Joss Whedon and he did everything exactly right with that movie, from casting to the respect shown to the female characters, to story lines...it was just everything he had hoped it would be. 

More long term, he loves "Tombstone" with Kurt Russell and Val Kilmer; he has a special place in his heart for westerns as it is because of memories of watching them with his grandfather, Daddad (Rhonda's father). Everyone that knows him is familiar with his love of the Star Wars franchise; he has been watching those movies since he was a little boy, and used to collect some of their figurines and novels. I currently have a "Mike" corner over by where his chair is set up with framed artwork from the movies hanging near his head. 

I think the top cake, though, goes to "Casablanca" with Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman. I recently got the 70th Anniversary special for him for Christmas; he was so excited :) Since a film course he took in high school, he has had a special appreciation for the classics, like Charlie Chaplin, "North by Northwest", and of course "Casablanca".

  

Songs: So this one is much harder to nail down. For one thing, his musical taste is all over the place. Some of his favorite artists are Huey Lewis and the News, Frank Sinatra, and Dave Matthews Band. Our song is "Happy to Be Stuck with You" (Huey Lewis); it was played as the final song at our wedding and if we had a first dance, it would have likely been to "As Time Goes By". But he also listens to contemporary stuff--Bruno Mars, Maroon 5, Neon Trees. I guess it really just depends on what kind of mood he is in as to what song he likes the best. 

Books: "I, Jedi" by Michael A. Stackpole has long been at the top of his list. A few Christmases ago, I read it aloud to him a little every night until we finished it--it is a really good book. With big franchises like Star Wars you will often get what amounts to fanfic--novels written by fans who just really love the story--which means you get some sub-par crap. Stackpole writes a genuinely good, entertaining story with strong characters and an engaging plot. That's my plug for that; moving on. 

 

Stephen King's "The Dark Tower" series is also a favorite of his. It kind of combines the best of what Michael loves--it is a bit western gunslinger, a bit science-fiction dystopian future, a bit supernatural, and surprisingly thought-provoking.  Many of King's other novels have references and tie-ins to Roland's epic, which Michael enjoyed searching out and reading. 

Michael is a laid-back guy that loves his kids more than anything. He brags about them at work, shows off their pictures and artwork to anyone who comes to his office, and is the highlight of their day every time he comes home. He searches out monsters and scares away spooks, never tires of playing with the inexhaustible children, and soothes away nightmares. There is never a question that Daddy doesn't know the answer to or a problem Daddy can't fix. As a husband, he is patient and loving--he notices when I clean or rearrange (but politely ignores it when I don't), eats every one of my clumsy meals like it is the best he has ever had, and constantly seeks out ways to ease my burdens or make me feel cherished. He is the best part of all of our worlds. 

--Andie

Christmas

You can't hate me for not writing since Thanksgiving; Christmas may be the most wonderful time of year, but it is also the busiest, most stressful, and most exhausting as well!!

First came Emerald's Christmas party at school: I volunteered early on to help coordinate the event, a little lunch party and book exchange. Emerald brought "The Best Mouse Cookie" by Laura Numeroff (known for "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie"); she received "A Very Crabby Christmas", a tie in to the Cat in the Hat PBS show. When I got to the school, her teacher informed me she was running a little fever of 100; they were letting her stay because it is just heartbreaking at 5 years old to miss a party with your friends at school and the only symptom other than fever she had was being unusually subdued. I brought Cici's Pizza; Rhonda kept Benjamin so I could stay with Emerald (Gabriel was still in school). It was just a nice little party.

Gabe's class didn't have a celebration, understandably, but he took Mario Party dry erase boards and markers for car rides for all his classmates. He got "Chicka Chicka ABC" from his teachers, candy canes, a reindeer hacky sack, and a few more little toys. His class is very small, just six little boys. His teachers are so sweet and really understand and appreciate him; the Risperidone (the medicine to help his moods) is really starting to take a noticeable effect. I was afraid that it was going to stifle and suppress the best parts of him, but it just levels him out--gives him calmer, more focused days. He definitely seems to prefer life this way than those hours between doses when he is out of control.

Friday night before, we had Robert's family Christmas at Steven and Melisa's house. They have such an amazing home; it is so warm and inviting and full of happiness and love and peace. Sometimes it is honestly hard to leave such a positive environment. We had fajitas for dinner; all three of the kids loved that. Gabriel and Benjamin sat next to each other for the first time--it was funny to watch them reach over and exchange food like Amber and I used to! Gabe would steal Ben's cheese and tortillas; Benji would sneak off with Gaby's chicken...it was good to see them sharing and not fighting for once.

As always, please forgive me if I forget to mention any gifts we received--we are so grateful for everything, I just live in a fog comprised of veggie tales and sleepiness, so my mind isn't exactly "sharp".

I know Michael got a pair of warm pajama pants and a lounge shirt that he would wear every day if I let him; he also got a new pair of work shoes and a couple of work shirts.

Gabriel had a very difficult time sitting still or focusing; we strapped him into a booster seat so that he could stay still, but I could not get my phone to stream a show for him, so he mostly squirmed and stripped. He got a Lightening McQueen cars rider, a hopper, some underoos, Batman slippers, and a couple pairs of feetie pajamas.

Benjamin sat with me and did all right, for a 15 month old baby. He got a Fisher Price toy iPhone and a crawling caterpillar/bead track.

I got a giftcard to DSW (a shoe store) that I haven't gotten to use yet, but that I am going to use to buy nice flats or slippers for my cold frosty feet, and a new crockpot! I all ready used it to make a double batch of venison chili; one of my favorites when it is cold :)

Emerald helped pass out gifts and was generally just a delight; she got Abby and Emma magnetic paperdolls from the Melissa and Doug collection and a really cute pizza play set where she can build and deliver her own pretend pizza.

This year, I learned how to crochet so that I could focus my energy on constructive things instead of getting stressed and frustrated. It must have been annoying to be around me for the last few months because I was nearly constantly crocheting to get ready for Christmas--while watching TV or watching the kids play, in the car, during Bible class....the end result was that Melisa, Macy, and Grannymom all got homemade scarves this year (in Ranch Red, Aqua Blue, and Multicolored, respectively) at the Robert's Christmas. Ken and Patrick got ones at the Wearden Christmas, but theirs were some of the first I made--everyone had a good laugh when Ken unfurled his and it wrapped around his neck twice and still reached the floor. (What? I had never made a scarf before!) It was pretty funny.

It was a lovely Christmas, and I was glad we were all able to get together.

Saturday morning, our elf on the shelf friend Chip had to fly back to the North Pole to share his report with Santa, but he left behind some gifts in all of our stockings. Mostly new toothbrushes, body wash, things of that nature; but also some wet kitty and doggie food for the pets, a bath brush for Emerald, snowglobes for the kids, a travel mug for Daddy, and a new book and make-up for Mommy. I also let the kids open one present apiece from Mommy and Daddy--a pair of pajamas to wear to Christmas that night, and an owl beanie that is so cute.

Saturday night was Christmas at Glo and Pawpaws, and I am ashamed to say that I made a bit of a mess of everything. Sunday, we were leaving to go to my grandparent's, Gigi and Papa's, and I didn't know when we would be able to do our private family Christmas. So I shamelessly leapt into their plans, meaning there were entirely too many presents for three energetic and very tired children to sit through. Don't get me wrong, it was still a lovely evening; it was just a bit stressful with so very much going on at once.

Rhonda made a traditional turkey spread; what surprised me is that all three children took surprisingly well to the Waldorf salad--a "salad" of yogurt and mayonnaise on walnuts and apples and raisins and celery and such.

A little back story: for months, every time we visited Walmart, the kids always wanted to go by the pillow pet section. They would each grab the one they liked the best and snuggle it for a few minutes; I would remind them to ask Santa for it, we would put them back and keep shopping.

While we were eating, Santa came and left the very pillow pets they had been asking for! as well as a note that said Santa was bringing their gifts now but would see them on Christmas morning at Gigi and Papa's house. They were so blown away!! Emerald got a hot pink hippo that she named "Pillow Pet"; Gabriel got an neon orange puppy which is the only one that he will sleep with; and Benjamin got a neon green monkey.

The only problem that I didn't foresee is my own confusion: usually, all things Green go to Gabriel; all things Blue go to Benjamin. It is my way of organizing things in my mind, see? Well, this time Gabriel liked the orange puppy, NOT the green monkey; Benjamin of course will snuggle with either one, but Michael and I keep accidentally offering Gabe the Green monkey because that has always been my system...and it makes him so mad!!

Okay, so moving on. Highlights: Gabe got a trampoline and a big Buzz Lightyear; Emerald got a Ariel baby doll, and Cinderella on Blu Ray; Benjamin got a Little People bus and a tool workbench; and they all got a 10-foot roller coaster ride. I got a waffle maker that is pretty darn fantastic and a really cute pair of sparkly boots; Michael got long-sleeved work shirts that he loves and an electric razor and beard trimmer (I may have accidentally used his old one to shave the cat or something, I don't know).

Sunday we load up in the car and start heading for Ponder.

I hate long car rides, and this one was particularly bad because we had the car loaded to the gills with presents and luggage and the dog was coming with us...it was just a mess. I didn't even know how we were going to get back home carrying more stuff!! On the upside, it was a quick five hour drive and before I knew it, we were at Granny's house!!

To avoid any confusion: Granny is my mother's mother, my grandmother. I call her Granny. The kids call her GG because she is a Great Granny to them.

Jarrod and Julia were all ready there; Gabe went right to Jarrod and to Papa and gave them hugs. While Michael carried all our stuff in, I took the kids across to Aunt Alice and Uncle Robbie's--they have a play set in the backyard with swings and a slide and fort, and it gave the kids a chance to run out their energy. Also out there were two of cousin Justin's goats--they had both given birth recently (one that morning) and their tiny babies were there for the kids to pet. Justin had little interest in naming them, so he let me! (Knowing my borderline-obsessive love for names). The mama got Hope had twin girls that I named Faith and Mercy (yes, Emerald helped on that one); the mama Rose Tyler had twin boys named Mickey and Rickey.

If you laughed, that means you are a nerd, too.

The first night was nice and quiet before everyone got there; we had a delicious enchilada casserole that Granny made in the crockpot and I totally need the recipe for. Michael was sick so we gave him some theraflu to help him sleep.Michael went out to the van to get Gaby's medicine before bed...and noticed the lid had come undone and spilled all the Clonidine all over the floor of the van.

Aside: Clonidine, in conjunction with the Melatonin, is what helps Gabriel sleep. Without it, he was averaging an interrupted two hours in a 24-hour period. He needs sleep just like any other child, he just can't calm his body down long enough to get it--this helps.

We only have enough left for the night, which means that I have to call the doctor and have a prescription faxed over on Christmas Eve to a pharmacy in Dallas. Here's the trick: Clonidine is a compound; it has to be mixed because it only comes in pill form and has to dissolve in another solution for three days before it is ready. Which means no major pharmacy company like CVS or Walgreens are able to fill it; it has to be one of the smaller ones. Which tend to not be open the day before Christmas.

The nurse was sweet and faxed in a renewed copy to our pharmacist in Lubbock so they could get it ready by Wednesday when we came back, but outside of that, we were on our own.

The first night went really well. We all slept soundly--Emerald in her own twin sized bed, Gabriel in the pack-n-play (don't even ask me why), and Benjamin between me and Daddy. I could make excuses as to why he was there, but honestly, I just like co-sleeping.

Christmas Eve was mostly waiting around for the rest of the family to arrive. We had bacon and eggs and biscuits for breakfast, then bundled the kids up to the teeth so Jarrod and I could walk them down to see the horses. We stopped on the way down to see the chickens and jakes (that is young male turkeys, I learned), the bunny, and the goats.

Papa has several horses--Pete, Fancy, Tucker, Murray, and Ruby are the ones that I can remember. Pepper followed us down there and made the horses nervous; we were lucky she didn't get smashed.

The kids weren't done walking around, so we lead them down to the back pasture to see the ducks. Unfortunately, that is about the time we noticed it was cold as heck out there; the kids were all freezing, Benjamin (who is not the strongest walker) kept tripping and falling over the uneven ground, noses were running...but not as fast as Gabriel, who saw his chance for freedom and took it--he trucked it as fast as his little legs would carry him all the way to the end of the property, Uncle Jarrod in hot pursuit. Afterwards, we were all ready for some hot cocoa and naps.

For lunch, Uncle Ted and Aunt Cindy, Jessica, Grace, and Grant came over and we had sandwiches. Afterwards, they loaded up to go to the candlelight Christmas Eve service at church. Michael and I didn't want to take Gabriel or Benjamin, especially since there would be no childcare and we hadn't had time to prepare Gaby for, so Aunt Cindy took Emerald and the boys and I stayed at Granny's. Right after they left, Gabriel had one of his few moments of the trip--he was wearing regular clothes instead of backwards pajamas, and he got into his pants and played with his feces. I caught it quickly and Michael was able to clean him up while I sanitized everything he had touched, but it was weird because he hasn't had an accident in so long, clothes or no clothes.

When everyone got back, Mom and Dad and Amber, Jud, and Grayson in tow, we had bbq and all the sides; Gabriel had a major meltdown, one of his worst ever, because everyone coming in at once and all the noise and everything freaked him out. Aunt Alice let us into their house to let him calm down--we stripped him down to his diaper and let him watch Charlie Brown Christmas; he was so physically exhausted, he just crashed. I carried him back and gave him what medicine we had left, and he hid out for the rest of the night.

Granny made a decree that none of the children would be woken for Christmas the next morning; they would all be allowed to sleep until they wake up naturally. Now, this is a pretty big announcement because historically, we would get up around 5 a.m. for Christmas at Granny's house (a fact that has always irked the late-sleeper Michael).

We were all up and downstairs by 7.30, which is still early but I know they all appreciated that extra two and a half hours. Emerald set up camp beside GG, Benjamin was in his play pen next to me, and Michael and Gabriel were opening their presents in the quiet solitude of the computer room off the dining room. It is quiet and peaceful in there and Gabe can go at his own pace.

What I can remember: I got a decorative blanket, new purse, yarn bowl, and lots of new knitting and crocheting stuff; Benjamin got light up duckies for the bath, a froggie book, a trike, a big teddy bear, and a tool box and tools; Gabriel got a sensory box, a bouncy ball, a pair of shoes, and a Spider-Man seek and find that he would not stop looking at; Michael got a Deadpool watch, a wireless roller ball mouse, and a car charger for his phone; and Emerald got a barbie bath toy, a barbie and horse, a little purse, a doll named Olivia, and an easy bake oven.

While we were opening presents, we were chowing down on donuts--I got one with vanilla icing and fruity pebbles on top!

In the middle of Christmas, the downpour of rain stopped and it started snowing, meaning we had a white Christmas after all. Justin ran inside after checking on his other two pregnant goats and said they were both in labor! A total of five were born that day, adding with the four from before to make 9 new baby goats. They were so crazy cute and sweet. Hagar had twin girls named Noelle and Vixen; big mama Bella had triplets--Merry and Holly (girls) and Jingle (boy). I think the new goats were my favorite part of Christmas besides seeing my family.

Okay, wait--there was one other part of Christmas I really loved. Aunt Alice's skinny little mouser kitty got into Granny's house and Papa offered to give $5 to whoever caught him; of course I snatched the little guy right up. He started rumbling from head to foot, being in a nice warm house up against a nice warm body, getting his ears and neck scratched. Michael (of course) wouldn't let me kidnap him and take him back home, but I got to name that guy too--Paul Tobin, after the comic writer. I have got to move to the country--my knowledge of onomastics would not go so wasted!!

My family had to leave Wednesday; we drove through Bowie to see my Aunt Angie and her boys, and Grandma Pat and Pawpaw for lunch on our way back home. I love my Aunt Angie--she is just so cool; growing up we didn't get to see my cousins Sean or Jacob that much, but they are really great kids. I say kids--Sean is 16 and driving; Jacob is 22 and married--yikes!! I'm not ready for them to be all growed up yet.

We had to ride all the way back to Lubbock in a car that was loaded down and reeked of skunk (welcome to the country), on icy, busy roads. We were lucky--barely added any time to our trip.

I am feeling a little blue since being back, because although I am genuinely loving having all three of my little chickies here at home with me, it saddens me to think that it could be months before I get to see my family again. A large part of me wants to move out there so I can be near them all the time; it is just so hard to uproot the life that Michael and I have been building here for the last six years.

This post has gone on much too long, so I shall say: HAPPY HOLIDAYS from Wearden Family News :)