Past Due Update

 It has been a while since I have written. Honestly, you have noticed that I go through bursts. Sometimes I write a whole lot, then other times there are long fallow periods between posts. It really depends on what is going on and if I can work up the energy and scrounge up the free time in which to write. So here we are: freeing up some time by ignoring the baskets of laundry that need to be folded on a Sunday. 

Update time. 

Michael can go first. 

Most things are going pretty well for Michael. He still likes his job, and he is doing well at it. He has joined an axe-throwing league. I forget what his team name is, but he really enjoys participating in it. I am glad he does it too because otherwise he just frankly wouldn't socialize very much at all. On his days off, he likes to go to a local diner and get breakfast, which is the highlight of his week.

So about...well, it would have been ten years ago, in 2013. We were still living in Lubbock, it was about maybe four months or so after Emerald was diagnosed. I had gone away for the weekend with the kids and when I got back, Michael was throwing up blood. He went into the hospital where they fixed a hiatal hernia and ruptured ulcer. 

But during the overnight stay in the hospital, they discovered what appeared to be sleep apnea, because he kept setting off the alarms all night long and freaking out the nurses. They highly recommended he get it checked out. 

Fast forward to ten years later and I am still prodding him to get it checked out, because his snoring is significant, he never feels rested, and overall it is just a big concern of mine. 

He relents and asks his doctor for an at-home sleep study, which we turned back in. The doctor called with the results: "one of the worst sleep tests I've ever seen", and a prescription for a CPAP machine. 

Michael is content with this answer. I am not. I browbeat him into getting me specifics. I don't like feely data; I want the good chunky quantitative data. 

The report states that an AHI (Apnea-Hypoapnea Index) score of 15 to 30 is moderate sleep apnea; over 30 is categorized as "severe". Michael's score was 80. During the eight hours it recorded of his sleep, he stopped breathing 355 times. His oxygenation level fell to 40%, but stayed at an average of 75%. 

No wonder he has been feeling so unrested.

We are still waiting on the medical supply company to provide the CPAP, but I am hopeful that once he gets it, he will start feeling (and sleeping) better.

Next up, why not...Emerald.

Emerald is in high school. They are doing relatively well. We saw a drop in grades, which we went over--I said I wanted grades that reflected abilities. Emerald asked how I knew that those weren't the grades they deserved, that maybe they were dumber than I gave them credit for. I said if that was the case, you wouldn't have made straight A's on the semester finals and be making 60s and 70s in the class. We agreed the phone would stay with me during school hours until the grades rectified themselves. 

Would you believe it took less than two days of no phone for all those grades to bounce up to A's and high B's?

A miracle. 

Gabriel. 

We just had Gabriel's annual ARD. He is in 7th grade. They say he is doing well in school; there aren't any behaviors that need significant intervention, which is a positive. And needed, as he is kind of a turd at home. 

Lately, he has been pretending to be asleep or flat-out refusing to lay down, wanting to stay up all night. He sneaks tablet and blasts it so no one else can sleep, breaks into the garage and steals all the sodas.

You know, teenager stuff.

But he also got out of the house the other night. 

So Michael had to install alarms on all the doors, which is actually pretty cool. Gabe does not agree, but that is why we did not ask him.

Other than that, he is just getting more fiercely independent. He doesn't want his mom doing stuff for him, so he is fighting me pretty hard on it. I told him, "I don't have to help if you will do it yourself", which just annoys him to no end, but I think he is taking it to heart because he is trying harder than he has to gain those skills so that I don't have to be involved. More power to you, buddy.

My Benjamin! 

Benjamin is doing his thing with 4H right now. He has a goat named Spencer that he has been working hard with to get ready for shows. The first, he placed 4th. 2nd he placed 10th, but out of a bigger field. Next week is the sale-show, so I am hoping Benjamin is emotionally prepared to say goodbye. The goat stays out at my mother's house where I can have no contact with it, so that we do not risk me getting attached to it and wanting to keep it. Like I may perhaps have done with the rabbits. 

We only have one rabbit left, one CS Lewis. He was the one that Mikasa picked up in her mouth and carried around until Benjamin rescued him. I don't think the dog was trying to hurt the rabbit, but it did freak him out a bit. Ever after that, CS has been abnormally attached to the family. He would never escape like some of the others and make us chase them (even for the sweet clover a couple houses down). He would just have his spot right next to the door where he would wait for us to come out and visit him. 

Now he stands on his hindlegs and watches for me to come home from work. He makes kissy noises when you get close to him and snuggles down in your arms. He really is a very loving boy. 

Benjamin is in 5th grade and academics seem to be going fine. Going back to school has been a hard transition for him, I think, but he won't talk about it much. His favorite thing to do is put on a church suit complete with tie and loafers, make an iced coffee, and host a "staff meeting" with his siblings. What they talk about during this time is unknown to me, but the suit does imply that it is serious business.

Finally, Tula. 

Tula is in kindergarten. She has a love-hate relationship with school. She likes all the people, she likes seeing friends, she likes the activities. I think it just gets to be too much sometimes; it is a struggle sometimes to get her to go. I know it has been hard for her to be away from me so much, because she had basically unlimited mommy time for the entirety of her life prior to school and now she gets me just a few hours before bedtime and on weekends. It is a big shift. 

She joined Cub Scouts and that has been a lot of fun for her. She goes to meetings once a week with Oma, and there are some kids there her age. 

Tula reads well, and is working on her writing. They say she is a bright child that struggles sitting still. For the most part, she is a healthy, happy little gremlin. 

I guess that brings it down to me, unless you want to hear about the cats. 

I am...okay. 

Winter is a hard time for me. I don't know if it is seasonal affective disorder or just a general reflection of my overall state of being, but I struggle through the cold months. I don't get out and exercise because I don't do well in temperatures below 75. My eating habits deteriorate. It's just harder time. 

It doesn't help that I have lost a bit of the joy either. 

Right now, school (which I have nearly finished with my masters) and the alternative certification program feel like a slog. Work is still populated by people I adore, but some days I have to psych myself up to go to. This is a predictable slump--the graph I was shown says it was going to happen in November/December, but maybe I had to be a little extra and wait for January. If that is the case then I should be perking up soon, back into the rejuvenation state. 

Don't get me wrong, I still like and am thankful for my job. But the idea of quitting and becoming a bunny breeder so that I can actually read and focus on a book again sounds real appealing right now. I probably just took too much on and have a bit of burnout. My brain definitely feels fried. Don't even count the T-TESS observations, the CHAMPS observations, the ACP observations, and the 65 professional development hours I have earned (not including the college courses; I still have to log those into my portfolio). 

The brain fatigue is evident at home. I struggle more trying to calculate carbs and determine dosages and administer appropriate insulin. Before Thanksgiving, I gave Tula 30 units of Lantus when she needed 8; Gabriel gets 30. I was distracted and messed up. Michael accidentally gave Gabriel 30 units of Humalog one night instead of Lantus, which we had to offset with feeding Gabriel 300 carbs. Of course normally 300 carbs is nothing for him, but that night he actually just wanted to go to sleep. 

Either way, now we call out: X units of {Insulin Name} going into [Child]" and wait for confirmation before we stick them. It helps us slow down a bit and double check the other person. It also means that I do not do Tula's Lantus and Michael does not do Gabriel's unless we have to; it is just too much for a brain to hold. Maybe we can get one or both of them on the pump and it will save our brain just a little. Who knows. 

So that is all I have for now. I am going to take Tula to the store to get stuff for dinner; she has asked me to teach her how to cook, so we are getting stuff to make BLT's. 

Love to you all.

-Andie