Afternoon

After the rough and tense morning yesterday, the kids and I were ready to settle down and try to regroup. After a lunch of tacos and burritos, we go back and lay down for nap in my very warm room. With the ac unit running and the fan on it was at least bearable back there, but it was far from comfortable with a warm little kid on each arm. Laying down, we start to unwind, to relax and fall asleep....

And the doorbell rings.

It was Clay, the really nice maintenance guy that we really like because he is always professional and does a great job but is very personable while doing it. He has come to look at my bathroom sink because it has been draining poorly for a few days. Unfortunately, my bathroom is right off my room, where Gabriel is sleeping and Emerald is just starting to relax.

Clay fixes my sink quickly and quietly, never waking Gabriel, which was awesome, then he leaves and I lay back down with the kids to try and sleep.

And the doorbell rings....again.

Struggling to my exhausted feet, I shuffle to the front door, where the Swann's man is waiting to ask if I need anything. I wish I could help the guy out but I am exhausted and Michael has all the money, so I send him away. Collapsing on the bed, I wish so badly to fall asleep--Gabriel has been sleeping soundly, but the constant interruptions has prevented Emerald from drifting off, so she has just been laying there for an hour or so. Hugging her close to me, I close my eyes, hoping I can get at least a half hour before Gabriel wakes up.

And the doorbell rings...for the third freaking time.

Seriously. Three times my doorbell rings all this week and it turns out to all be on the same day during the same nap time?! That is more than bad luck--that is some evil plot.

It's Rick, who is back to finish fixing the air conditioner. He said something about shoddy wiring when the ac was installed that he needed to replace, and I keep thinking about the fire hazard bad wiring poses. The whole thing is set up right between my room and Emerald's room, which means that the noise has officially woken Gabriel up and Emerald has no hope of going to sleep.

It is going to be a rough rest of the day, can't you tell??

Rick fixes the AC fairly quickly and leaves, and our house is finally starting to cool down, which is nice. But my nerves are super frayed from the stressful day--everything else going on, I just want it to be over, but we are only half way through.

Gabriel's speech therapist had left a message on my phone that she was running late and would be late to our 4pm appointment. Since I am supposed to be at Ken and Rhonda's for Daddad's birthday party at 5, this poses problems--we aren't going to be done until a good deal past five.

Speech went just fine as always, and afterwards I get me and the kids ready so that when Michael came home, we could go to the party.

The party was a lot of fun, but the kids were exhausted and whiny and generally unpleasant. Gabriel wasn't too bad because at least he had a little nap, but he was a lot fussier than normal. Emerald was having a rough time of it.

I noticed that Emerald kept hiding herself--under tables, in back bedrooms, in corners. I figured she needed to poop but was afraid; she was looking for a quiet place and enough time to be able to handle her business but people (like me) kept coming to find her. Michael agreed with me so I bustled her off to the bathroom where she sat on the potty, but she was scared of how unstable she felt and how big the seat was when she didn't have her potty seat. We must have sat there for 15 minutes--her on the potty, me on the floor encouraging her--but I had to admit that I was probably wrong because she was just not doing anything, and we were missing the whole party hiding out in the bathroom. I put her back into a pull-up and we rejoin the group.

5 minutes later, Michael informs me that Emerald pooped in her panties.

=/

I can tell she is trying. She doesn't like to go potty when I am in the room anyway--she likes me to stand outside the door if she is actually doing her business--and she didn't feel comfortable on the unfamiliar potty. She did try hard, she just still couldn't do it. One day she will, but as it is I don't want to rush her--she will get it when she is ready. She may not be ready until she is 10, but...

The kids' attitudes just became intolerable after that, so we loaded up the car and took them home. The gift I had ordered for Michael arrived--a 10-piece bar tool set, because he likes entertaining. I gave the kids a bath and a hot cocoa and they fell asleep within 15 minutes. Michael and I finally got an evening to ourselves, without the kids....and we were both so exhausted we went to sleep shortly after the kids, lol.

At least today we have all had a good night's sleep, so hopefully it will be better today than it was yesterday!!

~Andie~

Our Morning

Before we can talk about our morning, I have some recap from tomorrow for you--

Yesterday, our house was not cooling off the way we would like it to; it was staying pretty stuffy despite the AC being on. So we turned it off and opened the four big windows of the living room, turned on all the fans, and let the house kind of air out because we were having friends over for dinner.

The Mann's are really cool people. Michael is the assistant manager at the Gamestop that my Michael and I like to go to, so that's how the husbands met--bonding over video games. Pam (his wife) is a nurse, and just a really nice, fun person. They have a 16 month old son named Daniel (or Danny or DJ) that I used to babysit for, but is now in daycare.

Obviously because of all the scheduling conflicts, it has been hard for all of us to get together for dinner in months. But we finally coordinated it and made it happen.

Emerald woke up yesterday with a sour tummy, but some bananas helped her feel worlds better, which was good. Mike had a half day so we went to Wal-Mart to get groceries, and ended up getting a few things for my car. It was a lot of fun because I don't think Mike and I have laughed that hard together in a long time--not since the first time we saw the feature length "Mystery Science Theater 3000" where they watched "This Island Earth" or whatever. We always have a lot of fun =)

Michael decided the best plan for dinner was fat sandwiches. In case you don't watch Man vs Food as religiously as we do, a fat sandwich is basically all these great bar foods rammed into one sandwich. It's really good and a lot of fun to make, but superbly unhealthy, so I set out a veggie tray to kind of soften the blow, lol.

So anyways, we have the Mann's over to dinner, and they leave around 8 to put DJ to bed and we start wanting to wind the kids down--we shut all the windows and Mike goes to turn on the AC which we've had off all afternoon.

It won't turn on.

Like, at all.

We flip it to heater, to fan, to AC....nothing works, and it is just NOT coming on. My first thought was that at least it went out at night when it was going to be cooler, especially since a thunderstorm was blowing in which would cool off the air further.

Wrong. =/

According to the weather report, the temperature is not going to drop below 80 degrees. And I don't know if you have ever been pregnant, but 80 degrees is not a comfortable temperature. All four of us (even during the winter) are used to sleeping at around 64 degrees--and because of stuffiness of the house, we are all starting to get very short tempers.

Michael and I waffle and bicker back and forth for hours as the kids lay in the living room with the four big windows opened again watching "Fantasia". Our options are going to get oscillating fans and hoping that will cool off the house enough for us to sleep (but we would have to spend extra money we don't have on a chance of cooling off), or we can figure out how to get the window unit up and operating.

About midnight, we finally make the window unit work and stick in the window--the house cools down enough for us to settle down, and we have contacted someone to come out the next day and look at our AC. We all lay down in the living room and start trying to fall asleep.

I wasn't able to get comfortable so I didn't get to sleep until well past 3, which means that today, all four of us are so exhausted we can barely function. That is how today started.

We wake up slowly, cuddling and watching Sesame Street and eating poptarts after Michael has left for work. When I finally work up the energy, we clean up some, though you wouldn't be able to tell by looking now--it's all ready been trashed again. The kids were agreeable for sleepy children, and very helpful.

By that time, I have decided that it is time for Mommy to do something for herself.

This pregnancy has been a lot harder on me than the other two, and I am not certain why. I have been in a great deal of pain, very uncomfortable, and growing much faster. Sometimes the pain becomes frankly unbearable. I have asked the doctor's office about it several times, but all their advice was not able to alleviate my pains--the maternity belt, resting and taking it easy, painkillers....When I mentioned it again, the doctor sadly said that there really wasn't anything they could do--it was my third pregnancy and my body was just tired. Anyways, I was getting desperate, because I was so very physically miserable.

Naturally, I call my mom,who suggests stretching and exercising. Worth a shot--I get on Netflix and find a "Yoga Mama" video so that I don't have to pay for a new DVD when I am not certain it will work. This morning was the first opportunity I had to try it.

Emerald and I clear out a big space in the living room, and I try the modified yoga for preggos.

It was hard to get in the mindset because everything the woman is saying sounds like hippie new age crap, but Emerald is having fun, so I keep going.

After a while, I did start feeling relaxed and calmer, and the stretches are really making me feel better than I have in a long, long time. Even though it is hard to focus when Gabriel is crawling between my legs and banging on my butt like it's a bongo (made me feel like a lardo, let me tell ya), but by the end, I was feeling much better. A lot of the stretches were to open up the pelvis and increase the womb space so that the baby wouldn't feel as smooshed, so even Benjamin was awake and playing and having a good time.

I am hoping that I can find someone to do it with me, but unfortunately I don't know anyone else that is pregnant and I don't know that my friends would want to do maternity stretches, so I am probably on my own.

Feeling rejuvenated and much calmer, the kids and I go outside.

Out there, I remember that Gabriel has an ECI appointment this afternoon for Speech Therapy and that we have a family dinner tonight for Daddad's birthday, and I see Gabriel eating chalk and Emerald taking a mud bath and I start to feel tense. So I fish Emerald out of the mud and clean her up a bit and I go to take the chalk away from Gabriel, but I can't see him anywhere and I start to panic...but he is just hiding behind the shed so that I can't take his chalk away. But they aren't behaving anyway--doing things they know they are not supposed to be doing, so we start heading inside.

As usual, Gabriel is the first to charge in, but I stay behind for a half a second to get Emerald to throw away a piece of trash she was playing with....but I hear an unfamiliar male voice inside talking to my son. I know it is not my husband's voice, and I know that Michael is not supposed to be home for another hour. I also know for a fact that the front door was locked because I am still very cautious after Gabriel's little escape escapade a couple months back where he ended up across the street. For that second, I know my son is inside with some unknown male and I don't know what to do.

Just then, the head of Rick--the guy from maintenance--pops out of the open door and I just about faint. I had forgotten that Michael had sent in that request to have the air conditioning fixed. If the guy comes by and nobody answers the door, he lets himself in to fix the problem while we are gone. Because the kids and I were in the backyard, we did not hear the doorbell ring.

Now, I take invasion of my house more stressfully than I ought. I have a hard time getting over it because my house is my sanctuary, and I want somewhere to be safe for me and my kids. When people come into my personal space (like pushy door-to-door salesmen, or Mormons, or well-intentioned maintenance men just doing their job), I get very uncomfortable and it takes me days to feel safe again. I hate it. I don't like people in my home.

Rick has since left to run some errand and the kids and I are scheduled to take a nap--Michael brought me a jumbo ice from sonic, which is helping immensely. I really like ice. It is nice and cold and has a nice crunch.

Hopefully I can calm down before Cassie gets here this afternoon.

-tense-

~Andie~

Glucose Tolerance Test

Yesterday I took the Glucose Tolerance Test (GTT) because I failed the 1-hour test on Tuesday.

Basically what happens is that the pregnancy hormones prevent insulin from doing it's job of removing sugar from the bloodstream. The result is high blood sugar, which can affect the pregnant woman and her developing fetus in several ways. The last two times I was pregnant, I had the gestational diabetes, which is why they are being cautious this time, because that makes me in the high risk pregnancy category.

With Emerald, it was a big surprise because besides a family history of diabetes, I have no reason to have had it (risk factors include being over 25, being overweight before pregnancy, high blood pressure, etc). Unfortunately, that meant that it went undiagnosed for a while, which means Emerald was affected by it--she was born with hypoglycemia (low blood sugar).

With Gabriel, they were much more cautious and tested me incessantly, which was tedious and exhausting and stressful. Especially when it turns out that I was misfiled as having passed when really, I had failed again. Gabriel's lung development was affected so that he was unready to be born when we wanted him to be, and he ended up having to bake a little bit longer.

All of which brings us to now. They ask me if I have been experiencing any symptoms of diabetes, things like:

Fatigue

Increased thirst

Increased urination

Nausea and vomiting

Increased appetite

Weight Loss

=/

Anyone else see the problem with this?

I'll give you a hint. Here are a few of the listed symptoms of pregnancy:

Fatigue/Tiredness

Nausea, Vomiting

Frequent Urination

Weight Loss

....you get the idea. It's ridiculous.

Well, Tuesday Michael had to stay at home with a vomiting Emerald, so Grannymom took me to my doctor's appointment. I was about 24 weeks pregnant that day, so when I got taken back, they handed me an ice cold glass of the most horrible liquid on the face of the planet. It is a cup of pure evil.

Because of my vast experience with that sugary-sweet abomination, I have had the privilege of drinking it in every flavor available--fruit punch, cola, lemon-lime, orange, flavorless, and the very ill-conceived root beer.

-shudders-

If you have never had the pleasure, I will briefly describe it to you--it is easier to take if it is cold, but sometimes they don't afford you that and it is room temperature and intolerable. It's got the consistency of flat soda, only much much smoother and a tad thicker, which makes it similar to swallowing chilled and flavored saliva. But you are timed--you have 5 minutes to choke down the cup's worth or they'll make you start over another day.

Tuesday I got orange. Which admittedly is one of the better flavors, though none of them could be conceived as "good".

When I took my very first three hour test about four years ago, I was told that my getting sick was actually a good sign--that meant that my body was handling it by itself so that it wouldn't hurt my baby. Well, my body must be very protective of that little fetus because I every time I drink it, I get sick to my stomach.

It's like I'm in my own dimension, where everything sounds muffled and garbled and confused, like it's coming through on a cup-on-a-string set up. I start sweating and my whole body feels so hot, almost unbearably so. It's that quickening, where you have to really really focus on NOT getting sick or you are going to toss your poptarts.

Somehow I manage to keep it down long enough for them to draw my blood, and I get a call that says I failed, failed, failed. Which means that I have to come back and drink the nasty again, but this time, they want me to keep it down for 3 hours.

Great.

Ken was really wonderful and kept the children so that Michael would be able to take me. I know I am a baby, but this whole thing is such an awful ordeal for me, I couldn't face it without him.

I was up all night the night before dreading the test. I can deal with the needles, I can deal with the diabetes....it's just really hard to convince your mind to actually drink something you know will make you miserably sick. It goes against all your natural instincts. Through the long night, I was able to think about how just idiotic this stupid test was.

First of all, you have to fast from midnight on (no food, no drinks, though you can have infrequent sips of water) until the end of the test, which is about noon. So for 12 hours, you can't feed yourself or your baby.

But pregnant women all ready have tender stomachs, and this is a rough drink to take under any circumstances, which means that you have to take this horrible stuff on an empty and queasy stomach, increasing the likelihood that you will vomit a thousand times over.

Wondering what happens when you vomit? Wonder no more, for I can enlighten you! If you vomit--whether it is 2 minutes into the test, or 5 minutes before your last draw (personal experience)--they have to start the test allll over again. Which means you have to set aside another entire morning, take the awful drink again, and be stabbed with another battalion of needles.

Also, you have to give a urine sample before they begin the test. But you haven't been able to have anything to drink in hours!!!!

I also realize during the night that this is a complete lose-lose situation for me. Either I fail the three hour test and have gestational diabetes...or I pass the test--hurrah!--and they test me again in 4 weeks. If I pass that test, then they test me again...do you get the pattern here? They expect it is going to happen at some point in the pregnancy--after all, I have a history of it now--so they are going to keep looking and looking and looking until they find it. So the very best outcome that I can have is that I fail today, here and now, and get it over with.

So anyways, Michael and I get to the lab and I do the urine test and get my beverage. It is fruit punch this time.

I don't know if you know this, but fruit punch is a sucky flavor under normal circumstances. It's revolting--I can't even imagine what it is supposed to taste like, but to me, it takes like heartburn. The glucose drink fruit punch tastes a lot like Hawaiian Punch (which I hate), but with a cup too much sugar mixed in.

Even thinking about that horrible stuff makes me want to punch someone.

All in all, you get four blood draws--one before the test begins, then one after an hour, one an hour after that, and one an hour after that. Hence the name of the 3-hour test--you have to stay there for three hours.

An endearingly dorky kid with big ears comes up to me and says that he is a student, and do I mind him drawing on me today?

Yes. Yes, I mind greatly. You are a baby, and you look nervous. I mind very much you coming anywhere near me, Needles =/

But he has to learn, and what the heck--how bad can it be? Needle pokes are never fun.

As expected, I start feeling bad just right away, but the worst part is that because I had to shotgun the drink, I am now occasionally burping or hiccuping fruit punch flavor. It is very likely that I am going to embarrass myself in a waiting room full of people.

Michael tries and distract me, so we play Risk on his iPad and I try and read magazines. But then someone walks in smelling very strongly of cafeteria fried chicken.

Seriously, who smells like fried chicken at 9 in the morning?!?!

It was a gloriously beautiful day, mild and sunny, and the lab is right across the street from a lovely little park with a picturesque little lake, so Michael takes me outside to sit in the grass. I laid down and closed my eyes, and he told me about his time in youth group in Colorado.

From there, it turned into a wonderful morning. If I could pretend that my stomach wasn't churning and that I was getting blood drawn every hour, it was like a little mini-date. Between draws, Michael and I walked around the park talking and soaking up the sunshine. I really do love spending time with him, and I like him a whole lot. It was nice to not talk about the kids or responsibilities, but to just talk and enjoying each other's company.

On the way back into the lab, I had a random memory flash of the woman from the diabetes clinic four years ago telling me "...and if your blood sugar gets too high, you can walk around to help it go back down".

Oh, holy mother of crap.

I may have been unconsciously treating myself for the heightened blood sugar. Which means that I may have invalidated the GTT by doing the only thing that made the test bearable.

That little jerk kid that was drawing my blood apparently just did not know that he was supposed to tell me it was best to stay in the waiting room because walking around could affect the test results. Granted, I should have remembered since I have taken this test at this point (no joke) at least a dozen times. But I could kick myself, and I definitely want to kick that Josh kid.

So no more walking around, Michael drives me around town and we talk about all the places we haven't been that look interesting and where we would like to go, but I am filled with dread that I have just wasted an entire morning for poor Mike, who had to take off of work to take me and probably won't be able to do it again.

Though they are supposed to draw exactly to the minute (9.07, 10.07, 11.07, and 12.07) for the test to work, the last draw was several minutes late because the staff decided to go to lunch and only leave one person. Which that little baby student should have known that when a particular phlebotomist starts this test, he can't leave until he finishes it.

Kid has lost a LOT of credibility points, but he barely even left a mark, so I won't get too upset about it.

You thought you were going to get the test results after reading that long long post, didn't you? Well, you don't, because I don't have them. I called the doctor's office who said they had the results but only a doctor or a RN could tell me the results on the phone and they were both at the hospital that morning, so I would have to wait.

So I am at home, feeling quite twitchy and impatient.

Oh, for crap's sake--they just called me and told me I passed so I have to watch my blood sugar and take the three-hour again in four weeks.

I freaking hate today. I hate sugar. I hate needles. I hate that stupid jerk student that stole my blood. And I hate hate hate that cup of nasty evil glucose drink!!!!!

If you will please go excuse me, I need to go break something.

~Andie~

Updates

A lot has happened in the last couple of days, so here is an at-a-glance update.

1. Mike bought me a new car!

It is a used car--a 2000 gold Buick Century--but it is in really good condition and was a really fantastic deal. I named her Krissy-Bug and I am so excited about it that I drive every day, sometimes multiple times a day. The furthest I have gone so far is down to Milwaukee, across to Erskine, down to Frankford, the I took 19th home. It was really scary, but Mike is a good teacher, very patient. You can tell he is getting a little scared too.

2. I got a job!

Well, sort of. I applied at the kids' daycare, and I was hired on as a substitute next year, which will be good for easing me back into working while the kids are gone. If they get some more kids enrolled in the daycare and have to open up another class, though, they said that I will get a teaching position, so that is really cool. I hope it will help out with our finances and with getting me out of the house a bit.

and 3. Yesterday I had a Dr. Killeen appointment. Benjamin is growing great--he is over a pound and a half now, breech, looking healthy. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about his mother. I failed the one hour glucose test, spectacularly from what I hear. Not exactly unexpected news, but I wasn't supposed to get it for at least another month and I was so so borderline with Gabriel that they didn't even catch it at first, which made me hope that I wasn't going to have to deal with it this time. It's such an inconvenience, and I really don't need another reason to worry. The worst part (for me, at any rate) is that I have to do the three hour test which makes me super-dee-duper sick, but Michael makes it bearable....but if we don't find someone to watch the kids, I will have to go all by myself, and I really really don't want to do that. It is scary enough, I don't want to have to face it all on my own.

Well, that is all for now--I will update more later as things develop.

Frustrating Saturday

Today, I had every intention of making the day good. I wanted a good blend of intellectual and physical activities, things Emerald would enjoy and things Gabriel would enjoy.

So, the first thing I did was to bring down the "Getting Ready for Preschool" box Michael and I bought for Emerald at Barnes and Noble a while back.

It is actually a really neat box--it has scissors and a little "learning to tie your shoes" activity, plus all these worksheets and stickers...for the most part, all I have used thus far are the ABC's and 123's books that have an erasable marker so that Emerald can practice reading and writing and tracing the letters, but today I decided to see what other activities were in there that we might enjoy.

The first thing we did was a sticker sheet to help kids learn about emotions. There is a picture of several kids playing on a playground and you have to stick the face stickers on them to express happy, sad, surprise, scared, mad, etc. For the rest of the day, we have been trying to identify how things make us feel--it makes mommy sad when Emerald disobeys; Gabriel is happy when he swings on the swing; Emerald is scared when she poops in her room. Things like that.

Next was a really cool sticker worksheet that taught her to sort by shape, size, and color. There were four animals--a toad, a cat, a dog, and a pig--and she had to find the shapes to complete the animals. She really really loved that. I asked her then what her favorite shape was, and she told me "I like octagons". What the heck!? Why does a 3 year old know octagons?! I was expecting circle, square, heart...something!!

Don't think that while Emerald was doing all these fun activities that Gabriel was getting ignored. I found the neatest thing in the box and Gabriel had the most fun ever trying them out.

You see, most crayons are difficult for Gabriel to hold--they are too skinny and break too easily. These are short and stubby and triangular, but they have holes in the bottoms so they fit perfectly on the ends of little fingers. Gabriel sticks his fingers in them and has a blast coloring!! We only have one problem with him contemplating eating the crayons, but that was only near the end when he was starting to get bored.

We did that for as long as they were willing to pay attention, and then I made them help me clean up while I got out some board games. We have several games, but I never remember them because I still think of the kids as so young.

While I am setting up the board games and trying to figure out to play them and everything, Emerald runs off to her room. We are still working on potty training, and she has had lots of tinkle successes over the last few days. Unfortunately, Emerald went back there to poop on the floor for the second day in a row. I am very calm and patient with her as I help her clean it up, explaining why this was not okay and talking to her about where poo-poo and pee-pee go. We wash our hands and she gets sent to time-out to think about how she messed up and how she can do better next time.

The first game we tried was Memory.

It was hard to get Gabriel interested in this one, but we let him watch me and Emerald for a while and that sort of peaked his interest. First we matched all the cards to make sure they were all there. Then we separated the pairs into groups--animals, food, outdoor, around the house, transportation, and toys. Emerald really enjoyed matching the cards together and organizing them so nicely.

For Gabriel, we encouraged him to point at the ones he wanted; to stack the cards into a tower; to hand us one at a time so that Emerald could match them; and to sign "more" and "please" and make eye contact while playing with us.

Eventually we actually shifted into playing real memory, and for about half that game we had fun. At first Emerald was focused and enjoying herself, she was working hard to find pairs, and was very proud of herself for her achievements. Then, near the end, her interest started waning and she started to think it was funny to get it wrong every time and to count wrong. It was annoying and felt like a waste of my time. I know she was just getting restless and trying to enjoy herself, but I found it frustrating, so we put away Memory and got out the next game.

I let Emerald pick, and she chose Chutes and Ladders. We had never tried Chutes and Ladders before, but I figured that Gabriel would enjoy the spinner and Emerald could learn something from it and have fun too.

This was probably the most frustrating experience in recent memory.

First of all, Gabriel was absolutely 100% checked out socializing at this point, so he fought and squirmed, even after I showed him how the spinner worked. Which he had zero interest in, might I add. So it is just me and Emerald--I can hear Gabriel over on the other side of the room emptying out the toy organizer, which would tick me off if I stopped to think about it, so I focused on getting Emerald to understand the game.

Emerald can easily count to 13, and can read all the numbers (1-6) on the Chutes and Ladders spinner, so I think this should be no problem.

Wrong. =/

She cannot work the spinner...like at all. We try several different methods for her to work it, but she keeps just grabbing the arrow and turning it until it it lands on the number she wants it to be on. Since she doesn't really understand the point of the game, it is not always a high number--not a very efficient little cheater, but A for effort.

About this time she quits listening to me all together, which makes me pretty mad. She isn't interested in talking about the little stories of success and failure on the board; even when she identifies the number correctly on the spinner, she just randomly slams her token however many times she wants on the board instead of moving in any form of rhyme or reason, and no matter how many times I try to explain it to her, she refuses to listen.

It is so frustrating and irritating that I feel my temper waning, so I decide we all need an outdoor break before Daddy gets home for lunch.

Unfortunately, Daddy is not coming home for lunch because he has a busy day and has to work through lunch. The pickle on the crap sandwich that is my day. At least we are enjoying a beautiful day outside.

Emerald is still refusing to listen, and is giving me a good deal of attitude, which does nothing to soothe my all ready fraying nerves. We have a talk, which I am sure she was ignoring every word, and then we try and enjoy the fresh air and relatively quiet day.

Gabriel is being his normal self, albeit a little fussier than usual. But he is doing his signs without prompting and seems to be feeling a bit better, at any rate. They run around and I soak in the sun, when all of a sudden I hear the most grating, jarring noise.

The children have stuffed a metal stick down in the air conditioner unit to try and touch the spinning fan.

Luckily, nothing is broken, but both kids are punished by immediately being brought back into the house and given time-outs. Everyone is tired and cranky and hungry and ready for this day to just stop.

Washing our hands, we all set to making lunch. I make this revolting little grill-cheese/hot dog hybrid for the kids--I melt cheese on a piece of white bread and then roll it all up with a hot dog inside of it so when the cheese sets, they can't pick out the hot dog or the cheese without eating the bread. I don't know why it bothers me so bad that they always leave the bread, but at least this time they were unable to. I personally eat a couple of cheddarwurst sausages and pineapple.

Nap time is still a little ways off, so I ask the kids if they would like to take a walk. Normally, I would load Gabriel into the stroller and Emerald and I would walk, but I want to wear them both out so I opt to make both of them walk today. It was kind of fun--Gabriel got a kick out of being able to walk like a big kid, and I let them have mini races until--once again--they quit listening to me and started doing stupid, dangerous things. We made it around the block twice before Emerald started complaining that her foot hurt, so we come in and lay down.

As it is, Gabriel went right to sleep, but Emerald spent the last two hours scowling at me and telling me how mad and sad I make her. Logically, I know that she is trying to get a rise out of me because she is three and is exerting her independence. Other examples of this include her telling me how and how not to speak to Gabriel, arguing over every little word I say no matter how innocuous, and screeching at me all the time. Emotionally, I am surprisingly hurt by how much anger and resentment I feel coming off from her....all the time. I don't know how to make it better, I don't even know how I made it wrong in the first place. It seems like everything I do is wrong with her, and it is wearying and discouraging.

Anyways, while writing this Emerald FINALLY fell asleep, so I was going to go into the kitchen and set up some ramps and sweep the kitchen because I was hoping we could do some Matchbox car races this afternoon. Maybe Beth and Sarah coming over will help ease the tension as well. Plus, Michael finally has a day off tomorrow, so that is always a plus.

Here's praying for patience....

~Andie~