Glucose Tolerance Test

Yesterday I took the Glucose Tolerance Test (GTT) because I failed the 1-hour test on Tuesday.

Basically what happens is that the pregnancy hormones prevent insulin from doing it's job of removing sugar from the bloodstream. The result is high blood sugar, which can affect the pregnant woman and her developing fetus in several ways. The last two times I was pregnant, I had the gestational diabetes, which is why they are being cautious this time, because that makes me in the high risk pregnancy category.

With Emerald, it was a big surprise because besides a family history of diabetes, I have no reason to have had it (risk factors include being over 25, being overweight before pregnancy, high blood pressure, etc). Unfortunately, that meant that it went undiagnosed for a while, which means Emerald was affected by it--she was born with hypoglycemia (low blood sugar).

With Gabriel, they were much more cautious and tested me incessantly, which was tedious and exhausting and stressful. Especially when it turns out that I was misfiled as having passed when really, I had failed again. Gabriel's lung development was affected so that he was unready to be born when we wanted him to be, and he ended up having to bake a little bit longer.

All of which brings us to now. They ask me if I have been experiencing any symptoms of diabetes, things like:

Fatigue

Increased thirst

Increased urination

Nausea and vomiting

Increased appetite

Weight Loss

=/

Anyone else see the problem with this?

I'll give you a hint. Here are a few of the listed symptoms of pregnancy:

Fatigue/Tiredness

Nausea, Vomiting

Frequent Urination

Weight Loss

....you get the idea. It's ridiculous.

Well, Tuesday Michael had to stay at home with a vomiting Emerald, so Grannymom took me to my doctor's appointment. I was about 24 weeks pregnant that day, so when I got taken back, they handed me an ice cold glass of the most horrible liquid on the face of the planet. It is a cup of pure evil.

Because of my vast experience with that sugary-sweet abomination, I have had the privilege of drinking it in every flavor available--fruit punch, cola, lemon-lime, orange, flavorless, and the very ill-conceived root beer.

-shudders-

If you have never had the pleasure, I will briefly describe it to you--it is easier to take if it is cold, but sometimes they don't afford you that and it is room temperature and intolerable. It's got the consistency of flat soda, only much much smoother and a tad thicker, which makes it similar to swallowing chilled and flavored saliva. But you are timed--you have 5 minutes to choke down the cup's worth or they'll make you start over another day.

Tuesday I got orange. Which admittedly is one of the better flavors, though none of them could be conceived as "good".

When I took my very first three hour test about four years ago, I was told that my getting sick was actually a good sign--that meant that my body was handling it by itself so that it wouldn't hurt my baby. Well, my body must be very protective of that little fetus because I every time I drink it, I get sick to my stomach.

It's like I'm in my own dimension, where everything sounds muffled and garbled and confused, like it's coming through on a cup-on-a-string set up. I start sweating and my whole body feels so hot, almost unbearably so. It's that quickening, where you have to really really focus on NOT getting sick or you are going to toss your poptarts.

Somehow I manage to keep it down long enough for them to draw my blood, and I get a call that says I failed, failed, failed. Which means that I have to come back and drink the nasty again, but this time, they want me to keep it down for 3 hours.

Great.

Ken was really wonderful and kept the children so that Michael would be able to take me. I know I am a baby, but this whole thing is such an awful ordeal for me, I couldn't face it without him.

I was up all night the night before dreading the test. I can deal with the needles, I can deal with the diabetes....it's just really hard to convince your mind to actually drink something you know will make you miserably sick. It goes against all your natural instincts. Through the long night, I was able to think about how just idiotic this stupid test was.

First of all, you have to fast from midnight on (no food, no drinks, though you can have infrequent sips of water) until the end of the test, which is about noon. So for 12 hours, you can't feed yourself or your baby.

But pregnant women all ready have tender stomachs, and this is a rough drink to take under any circumstances, which means that you have to take this horrible stuff on an empty and queasy stomach, increasing the likelihood that you will vomit a thousand times over.

Wondering what happens when you vomit? Wonder no more, for I can enlighten you! If you vomit--whether it is 2 minutes into the test, or 5 minutes before your last draw (personal experience)--they have to start the test allll over again. Which means you have to set aside another entire morning, take the awful drink again, and be stabbed with another battalion of needles.

Also, you have to give a urine sample before they begin the test. But you haven't been able to have anything to drink in hours!!!!

I also realize during the night that this is a complete lose-lose situation for me. Either I fail the three hour test and have gestational diabetes...or I pass the test--hurrah!--and they test me again in 4 weeks. If I pass that test, then they test me again...do you get the pattern here? They expect it is going to happen at some point in the pregnancy--after all, I have a history of it now--so they are going to keep looking and looking and looking until they find it. So the very best outcome that I can have is that I fail today, here and now, and get it over with.

So anyways, Michael and I get to the lab and I do the urine test and get my beverage. It is fruit punch this time.

I don't know if you know this, but fruit punch is a sucky flavor under normal circumstances. It's revolting--I can't even imagine what it is supposed to taste like, but to me, it takes like heartburn. The glucose drink fruit punch tastes a lot like Hawaiian Punch (which I hate), but with a cup too much sugar mixed in.

Even thinking about that horrible stuff makes me want to punch someone.

All in all, you get four blood draws--one before the test begins, then one after an hour, one an hour after that, and one an hour after that. Hence the name of the 3-hour test--you have to stay there for three hours.

An endearingly dorky kid with big ears comes up to me and says that he is a student, and do I mind him drawing on me today?

Yes. Yes, I mind greatly. You are a baby, and you look nervous. I mind very much you coming anywhere near me, Needles =/

But he has to learn, and what the heck--how bad can it be? Needle pokes are never fun.

As expected, I start feeling bad just right away, but the worst part is that because I had to shotgun the drink, I am now occasionally burping or hiccuping fruit punch flavor. It is very likely that I am going to embarrass myself in a waiting room full of people.

Michael tries and distract me, so we play Risk on his iPad and I try and read magazines. But then someone walks in smelling very strongly of cafeteria fried chicken.

Seriously, who smells like fried chicken at 9 in the morning?!?!

It was a gloriously beautiful day, mild and sunny, and the lab is right across the street from a lovely little park with a picturesque little lake, so Michael takes me outside to sit in the grass. I laid down and closed my eyes, and he told me about his time in youth group in Colorado.

From there, it turned into a wonderful morning. If I could pretend that my stomach wasn't churning and that I was getting blood drawn every hour, it was like a little mini-date. Between draws, Michael and I walked around the park talking and soaking up the sunshine. I really do love spending time with him, and I like him a whole lot. It was nice to not talk about the kids or responsibilities, but to just talk and enjoying each other's company.

On the way back into the lab, I had a random memory flash of the woman from the diabetes clinic four years ago telling me "...and if your blood sugar gets too high, you can walk around to help it go back down".

Oh, holy mother of crap.

I may have been unconsciously treating myself for the heightened blood sugar. Which means that I may have invalidated the GTT by doing the only thing that made the test bearable.

That little jerk kid that was drawing my blood apparently just did not know that he was supposed to tell me it was best to stay in the waiting room because walking around could affect the test results. Granted, I should have remembered since I have taken this test at this point (no joke) at least a dozen times. But I could kick myself, and I definitely want to kick that Josh kid.

So no more walking around, Michael drives me around town and we talk about all the places we haven't been that look interesting and where we would like to go, but I am filled with dread that I have just wasted an entire morning for poor Mike, who had to take off of work to take me and probably won't be able to do it again.

Though they are supposed to draw exactly to the minute (9.07, 10.07, 11.07, and 12.07) for the test to work, the last draw was several minutes late because the staff decided to go to lunch and only leave one person. Which that little baby student should have known that when a particular phlebotomist starts this test, he can't leave until he finishes it.

Kid has lost a LOT of credibility points, but he barely even left a mark, so I won't get too upset about it.

You thought you were going to get the test results after reading that long long post, didn't you? Well, you don't, because I don't have them. I called the doctor's office who said they had the results but only a doctor or a RN could tell me the results on the phone and they were both at the hospital that morning, so I would have to wait.

So I am at home, feeling quite twitchy and impatient.

Oh, for crap's sake--they just called me and told me I passed so I have to watch my blood sugar and take the three-hour again in four weeks.

I freaking hate today. I hate sugar. I hate needles. I hate that stupid jerk student that stole my blood. And I hate hate hate that cup of nasty evil glucose drink!!!!!

If you will please go excuse me, I need to go break something.

~Andie~

Updates

A lot has happened in the last couple of days, so here is an at-a-glance update.

1. Mike bought me a new car!

It is a used car--a 2000 gold Buick Century--but it is in really good condition and was a really fantastic deal. I named her Krissy-Bug and I am so excited about it that I drive every day, sometimes multiple times a day. The furthest I have gone so far is down to Milwaukee, across to Erskine, down to Frankford, the I took 19th home. It was really scary, but Mike is a good teacher, very patient. You can tell he is getting a little scared too.

2. I got a job!

Well, sort of. I applied at the kids' daycare, and I was hired on as a substitute next year, which will be good for easing me back into working while the kids are gone. If they get some more kids enrolled in the daycare and have to open up another class, though, they said that I will get a teaching position, so that is really cool. I hope it will help out with our finances and with getting me out of the house a bit.

and 3. Yesterday I had a Dr. Killeen appointment. Benjamin is growing great--he is over a pound and a half now, breech, looking healthy. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about his mother. I failed the one hour glucose test, spectacularly from what I hear. Not exactly unexpected news, but I wasn't supposed to get it for at least another month and I was so so borderline with Gabriel that they didn't even catch it at first, which made me hope that I wasn't going to have to deal with it this time. It's such an inconvenience, and I really don't need another reason to worry. The worst part (for me, at any rate) is that I have to do the three hour test which makes me super-dee-duper sick, but Michael makes it bearable....but if we don't find someone to watch the kids, I will have to go all by myself, and I really really don't want to do that. It is scary enough, I don't want to have to face it all on my own.

Well, that is all for now--I will update more later as things develop.

Frustrating Saturday

Today, I had every intention of making the day good. I wanted a good blend of intellectual and physical activities, things Emerald would enjoy and things Gabriel would enjoy.

So, the first thing I did was to bring down the "Getting Ready for Preschool" box Michael and I bought for Emerald at Barnes and Noble a while back.

It is actually a really neat box--it has scissors and a little "learning to tie your shoes" activity, plus all these worksheets and stickers...for the most part, all I have used thus far are the ABC's and 123's books that have an erasable marker so that Emerald can practice reading and writing and tracing the letters, but today I decided to see what other activities were in there that we might enjoy.

The first thing we did was a sticker sheet to help kids learn about emotions. There is a picture of several kids playing on a playground and you have to stick the face stickers on them to express happy, sad, surprise, scared, mad, etc. For the rest of the day, we have been trying to identify how things make us feel--it makes mommy sad when Emerald disobeys; Gabriel is happy when he swings on the swing; Emerald is scared when she poops in her room. Things like that.

Next was a really cool sticker worksheet that taught her to sort by shape, size, and color. There were four animals--a toad, a cat, a dog, and a pig--and she had to find the shapes to complete the animals. She really really loved that. I asked her then what her favorite shape was, and she told me "I like octagons". What the heck!? Why does a 3 year old know octagons?! I was expecting circle, square, heart...something!!

Don't think that while Emerald was doing all these fun activities that Gabriel was getting ignored. I found the neatest thing in the box and Gabriel had the most fun ever trying them out.

You see, most crayons are difficult for Gabriel to hold--they are too skinny and break too easily. These are short and stubby and triangular, but they have holes in the bottoms so they fit perfectly on the ends of little fingers. Gabriel sticks his fingers in them and has a blast coloring!! We only have one problem with him contemplating eating the crayons, but that was only near the end when he was starting to get bored.

We did that for as long as they were willing to pay attention, and then I made them help me clean up while I got out some board games. We have several games, but I never remember them because I still think of the kids as so young.

While I am setting up the board games and trying to figure out to play them and everything, Emerald runs off to her room. We are still working on potty training, and she has had lots of tinkle successes over the last few days. Unfortunately, Emerald went back there to poop on the floor for the second day in a row. I am very calm and patient with her as I help her clean it up, explaining why this was not okay and talking to her about where poo-poo and pee-pee go. We wash our hands and she gets sent to time-out to think about how she messed up and how she can do better next time.

The first game we tried was Memory.

It was hard to get Gabriel interested in this one, but we let him watch me and Emerald for a while and that sort of peaked his interest. First we matched all the cards to make sure they were all there. Then we separated the pairs into groups--animals, food, outdoor, around the house, transportation, and toys. Emerald really enjoyed matching the cards together and organizing them so nicely.

For Gabriel, we encouraged him to point at the ones he wanted; to stack the cards into a tower; to hand us one at a time so that Emerald could match them; and to sign "more" and "please" and make eye contact while playing with us.

Eventually we actually shifted into playing real memory, and for about half that game we had fun. At first Emerald was focused and enjoying herself, she was working hard to find pairs, and was very proud of herself for her achievements. Then, near the end, her interest started waning and she started to think it was funny to get it wrong every time and to count wrong. It was annoying and felt like a waste of my time. I know she was just getting restless and trying to enjoy herself, but I found it frustrating, so we put away Memory and got out the next game.

I let Emerald pick, and she chose Chutes and Ladders. We had never tried Chutes and Ladders before, but I figured that Gabriel would enjoy the spinner and Emerald could learn something from it and have fun too.

This was probably the most frustrating experience in recent memory.

First of all, Gabriel was absolutely 100% checked out socializing at this point, so he fought and squirmed, even after I showed him how the spinner worked. Which he had zero interest in, might I add. So it is just me and Emerald--I can hear Gabriel over on the other side of the room emptying out the toy organizer, which would tick me off if I stopped to think about it, so I focused on getting Emerald to understand the game.

Emerald can easily count to 13, and can read all the numbers (1-6) on the Chutes and Ladders spinner, so I think this should be no problem.

Wrong. =/

She cannot work the spinner...like at all. We try several different methods for her to work it, but she keeps just grabbing the arrow and turning it until it it lands on the number she wants it to be on. Since she doesn't really understand the point of the game, it is not always a high number--not a very efficient little cheater, but A for effort.

About this time she quits listening to me all together, which makes me pretty mad. She isn't interested in talking about the little stories of success and failure on the board; even when she identifies the number correctly on the spinner, she just randomly slams her token however many times she wants on the board instead of moving in any form of rhyme or reason, and no matter how many times I try to explain it to her, she refuses to listen.

It is so frustrating and irritating that I feel my temper waning, so I decide we all need an outdoor break before Daddy gets home for lunch.

Unfortunately, Daddy is not coming home for lunch because he has a busy day and has to work through lunch. The pickle on the crap sandwich that is my day. At least we are enjoying a beautiful day outside.

Emerald is still refusing to listen, and is giving me a good deal of attitude, which does nothing to soothe my all ready fraying nerves. We have a talk, which I am sure she was ignoring every word, and then we try and enjoy the fresh air and relatively quiet day.

Gabriel is being his normal self, albeit a little fussier than usual. But he is doing his signs without prompting and seems to be feeling a bit better, at any rate. They run around and I soak in the sun, when all of a sudden I hear the most grating, jarring noise.

The children have stuffed a metal stick down in the air conditioner unit to try and touch the spinning fan.

Luckily, nothing is broken, but both kids are punished by immediately being brought back into the house and given time-outs. Everyone is tired and cranky and hungry and ready for this day to just stop.

Washing our hands, we all set to making lunch. I make this revolting little grill-cheese/hot dog hybrid for the kids--I melt cheese on a piece of white bread and then roll it all up with a hot dog inside of it so when the cheese sets, they can't pick out the hot dog or the cheese without eating the bread. I don't know why it bothers me so bad that they always leave the bread, but at least this time they were unable to. I personally eat a couple of cheddarwurst sausages and pineapple.

Nap time is still a little ways off, so I ask the kids if they would like to take a walk. Normally, I would load Gabriel into the stroller and Emerald and I would walk, but I want to wear them both out so I opt to make both of them walk today. It was kind of fun--Gabriel got a kick out of being able to walk like a big kid, and I let them have mini races until--once again--they quit listening to me and started doing stupid, dangerous things. We made it around the block twice before Emerald started complaining that her foot hurt, so we come in and lay down.

As it is, Gabriel went right to sleep, but Emerald spent the last two hours scowling at me and telling me how mad and sad I make her. Logically, I know that she is trying to get a rise out of me because she is three and is exerting her independence. Other examples of this include her telling me how and how not to speak to Gabriel, arguing over every little word I say no matter how innocuous, and screeching at me all the time. Emotionally, I am surprisingly hurt by how much anger and resentment I feel coming off from her....all the time. I don't know how to make it better, I don't even know how I made it wrong in the first place. It seems like everything I do is wrong with her, and it is wearying and discouraging.

Anyways, while writing this Emerald FINALLY fell asleep, so I was going to go into the kitchen and set up some ramps and sweep the kitchen because I was hoping we could do some Matchbox car races this afternoon. Maybe Beth and Sarah coming over will help ease the tension as well. Plus, Michael finally has a day off tomorrow, so that is always a plus.

Here's praying for patience....

~Andie~

Yesterday

Yesterday was...a bit of an experience, lol. It was not my most favorite day ever.

We woke up all ready knowing it was going to be a long day. Michael worked late and then was going to dinner with a friend afterwards, so I had the kids to entertain for around 12 hours. Granted, there are meals and naps in there, but still--that's a long time to be patient and engaging.

Emerald and I are still struggling through potty training. The other night, Michael and I found her poop all over her bedroom. It's been...kind of a battle. But she seems to be doing better, and I think I have stumbled upon a method that is working for us:

When we put her in panties, she still soils them as if they were diapers without even blinking an eye. I tried a variety of methods, including letting her pick out special panties (tinkerbell) and making her throw them away if she messed them up (I always snuck out and salvaged them, but she doesn't need to know that); made her help clean them up; we tried training pants, her own potty, a Dora potty seat that sits on the big potty. We tried rewards of toys, money, stickers, and candy...nothing was working.

Needless to say, I was beginning to feel like a failure. Even Michael worried she wasn't going to get it, saying, "Look on the bright side--soon, you will be able to logically explain it to her, since she will be 14".

Frustrated and out of ideas, I am ashamed to say I took it out on Emerald one day--when she brought me her pretty pink princess pull-up and asked me to change her because she had peed, I got very annoyed. I took off the wet pull-up, but did not put a new one on her, telling her that if she needed to go potty, she needed to tell mommy or just tee-tee on her pretty princess skirt.

My hope in doing this was that she would feel how yucky it was to go on herself and then panties would work; what I did not consider was how much of a fashionista Emerald tends to be, and how much she loves her pretty clothes. She didn't have an accident for three days when I was letting her choose her outfits, but leaving her without undergarments. Finally, success!

Fast forward to yesterday--Emerald is doing better. Not fully trained obviously; it is not practical or feasible for us to take her out or to other people's houses without a pull-up on, which has been setting her back a bit. But I reintroduced the rewards program:

For just sitting on the potty, she gets one small sticker on her sticker sheet for the day.

For pee-peeing in the potty, she gets one big sticker on her sticker sheet, plus she gets to pick out a piece of candy from the (Halloween and Easter--ewww, lol) candy bowl, and she gets a new "toy".

You know those cheap little capsules you drop in water and they dissolve and reveal a animal-shaped sponge inside? They come 18 for $1 at Dollar Tree, and Emerald adores putting on little sponge puppet shows for me and Gabriel. Plus, if she gets tired of them as puppets, we put them to use as part of our finger painting projects, leaving little barn animal imprints on the page.

For poo-pooing in the potty--which has only happened twice ever--she gets the big sticker and Daddy brings her home something special (French fries from McDonalds, a happy meal, a new Barbie, a trip to the park...kind of a grab bag). Usually I let her help decide what Daddy will bring her, because only she knows what will be really motivating for the day.

So, she has been putting almost all her pee in the potty, and is sitting several times a day besides, trying to go. She is making awesome progress, and yesterday, she only had one accident.

That whole long odyssey was actually to say: Emerald's special princess Dora potty seat only fits on the toilet in Michael's bathroom. We have a Jack-and-Jill bathroom set up, with what is essentially two half baths (toilets and sinks) that are connected in the middle by a third little room with a bathtub/shower. The potty in my bathroom has an elongated seat, meaning that Emerald's potty seat slides around on it and scares her. So we have to put it on Michael's potty with the round seat, because it was made to fit on those.

I had a revelation then:

Boy bathrooms are horribly nasty.

I am supposedly still in charge of cleaning this little room. On the one hand, it makes sense, because Michael is never home to do it himself, and because I clean my bathroom and the room with the bathtub--logically, it should fall to me. But I don't even ever use it. So unfortunately, it fell into a bit of chaos. Being a bit of a pregnant sissy, I couldn't even go into that room without getting incredibly ill, and lifting Emerald on and off the potty was all but an impossibility. Have I mentioned that she weighs a respectable 42 lbs? I can't heft her under any circumstance.

All brings us around to--when I got up yesterday, I cleaned like I always do, but I started with the three rooms of the bathrooms, and got them so that I can stand to help Emerald in a boy bathroom. I also got the living room straightened, the dishes done, the laundry changed over...the way I do it is to do all the hard work in the morning when I have the most energy, and then spend a great deal of time outside with the kids, finger painting, drawing with chalk, playing on the swing and slide, playing in the water hose, and generally getting good air and exercise.

Unfortunately, because I was cleaning so hard, I failed to notice a text from Michael that said I should take the kids out in the morning, since the weather forecast for the afternoon was a bit bleak. Very windy with fire warnings. Crap! I have wasted most of the morning all ready!

With very little preamble (unlike this story), I usher the kids outside. Normally, for the first 15-30 minutes, all either of them want to do is be pushed on the swings and enjoy the day; because of this, I multi-task and either read aloud or sing. Ben Reilly can now hear my voice, which means that I want to start communicating with him, and Emerald and Gabriel seem to enjoy my singing and reading as well, regardless of what it is, so it's kind of a win all around.

Unfortunately, I am just feeling too down dreading the upcoming day to sing or read, which just makes me sadder. Plus, the kids are frustrated with me because Gabriel wants to be able to paint and Emerald wants to turn on the water hose to fill up the water play table, but we have an ECI appointment that morning and I don't want them getting too dirty right before it.

Emerald resigns herself to naming ants as she squishes them one by one, and Gabriel settles in to eat the dead ants and some chalk he found laying around. Without no fight, we turn inside dejectedly to await our appointment.

When we get in, I make Emerald sit on the potty. That was when everything imploded--

About that time, I start getting texts that require effort and thought and response on my part, but Emerald is starting to call for me "Mommy! I need help!!" so I run in there to celebrate joyously because Emerald peed in the potty--hurray!!

Naked from the waist down and still needing help cleaning up, Emerald runs to the living room and the doorbell rings. I think (since it is about that time) that it is Tammy, so I throw open the door and say, "Come on..." and freeze because standing on my porch is not Tammy, but two complete strangers.

I stand gawking like a moron for a moment, long enough for Emerald (who is still bottomless) to run to the door and yelling "I peepeed in the potty!! Oh, Hello! Come in!!" to the two women standing there; they politely tell me they are going door-to-door sharing their religion, though I did not catch the exact faith they were peddling. They quickly hand Gabriel a pamphlet and get the heck out of there as fast as they can manage.

But the torrent does not slow down--moving to dress Emerald, the phone rings with a call from the nurse that I have been waiting for. Crap!

You see, a couple of days ago, the weather changed in Lubbock, which means that Emerald, Gabriel, and I all got sinus headaches and runny noses. The problem is, Gabriel is on augmentin, citrazine, singulair, and a nasal spray of nasonex. There is no earthly good reason that he should have a runny nose, weather changes or otherwise.

Well, the nurse disagrees. Which frustrates me endlessly--I mean, we have him on all these medications to prevent him from getting sick any more, but it's okay (according to them) for him to get sick anyway? That's crap!

I dress Emerald while listening to the nurse telling me to up his dosage of Citrazine and that if I suspect an infection to take him to the PCP. Okay--what do I need to look for, how will I know if it is just a runny nose or if it is another infection? She informs me that only a doctor can determine that.

Great! So why not just say "yeah, probably not a bad idea to take him to the doctor" instead of all that blah blah?!?!

I get off the phone frustrated with her, but the doorbell rings again.

Deciding to handle this visitor at my door like an adult, I sneak crouching through the kitchen and peek out the kitchen window to make sure it is Tammy before I haphazardly throw open the door again. She sees me through the window, which is a bit embarrassing, but all the ECI specialists know I am a super odd duck, so it doesn't bother her in the slightest.

The appointment goes well, though Tammy can tell I am distracted and a little frazzled. Gabriel wants mostly to read his books while we discuss my concerns about separation anxiety that Gabe might experience when I go to stay in the hospital, as well as how we are going to handle the adjustment for Gabe when the new baby gets here. Quiet visit, but I need some quiet time.

As soon as she leaves, my phone rings again--goodnight, but I am starting to feel harassed. Luckily, it is the director for the daycare that I applied at. I am hoping to get a job there so that I can have a discount on the children's attendance, as well as maybe a little extra money every month to help Michael out. I think he would like that. Erica was calling to set up an interview for me, so wish me luck on that front. I am really not holding my breath because I know there are tons of more qualified people that need jobs, but nothing ventured...

Lunch time, finally--Michael comes home with a refill on Gabriel's augmentin, and we get a quiet little mini break of watching Man vs Food and eating food that is probably a bad idea, plus finalize plans for that night.

During lunch, Gabriel dumped a cup full of liquid all over the kitchen floor. He got really freaked out and didn't want to be in trouble, so he tried to go to Michael to soothe him, but slipped and fell in on the slippery tile instead. He really cracked his head hard, I heard it from the other room. No blood, no bump, so I knew he was probably just sporting a splitting headache and feeling quite frightened, so I cuddle him until he starts calming down. Michael is still quite shaken because he hasn't had much first-hand experience with Gabriel's reckless side.

Gabriel fell asleep the minute I laid him down, which actually makes me a little nervous, but he was very tired all morning and trying to get me to rock him to sleep for a while, so I wasn't going to take it too seriously.

All in all, both kids slept about two hours, which is weird for Emerald. Not so weird for Gabriel, but Emerald has been forgoing nap time all together the last several days.

After nap was our second ECI appointment--this time, it was speech therapy. Gabriel wanted absolutely nothing to do with Cassie this time, even to get marshmallows, but they got a little back and forth in. She talked to me about possibly getting Gabriel into an ECI playgroup with some of the other kids in the program this summer.

Dinner was to spoil the kids--we made pizza, chicken nuggets, and cheetos. Nothing healthy in sight, but I wanted them to eat well and sleep well because I was worn out. No such luck--they picked and ended up eating most of it, but making a very big mess along the way.

Bath was sedate but long lived--I let them splash for over an hour, draining away the gross water and refilling it occasionally. They really enjoyed relaxing.

Then we just got dressed and laid down in the living room watching Bambi waiting for Michael to get home. The kids weren't going to go to sleep without seeing him, or wouldn't stay asleep with him coming back in, so I figured it would be okay as long as they were relaxing.

Whew! That was too much talking for one post. I am going to go take a break--big, long, exhausting day yesterday, but it is looking like today might be better!!

~Andie~

Emerald’s Stories: Dragons and Pirates and Giants, Oh My.

This morning, I got a first-hand account of the vivid imagination of my little girl, as I decided to build a lean-to fort for the kids out of the couch in the living room.

Draping many blankets over the skeletal structure, Emerald crawls inside bellowing, “In the pirate ship, Capn’ Gaby! We hunting for treasure! Come on, Capn’ Mommy!” Unfortunately, Mommy is….not an appropriate sized pirate to properly fit aboard Pirate Ship Wearden, so she must consent to staying in the waters below.

Not to be thwarted, Emerald’s eyes grow as big as saucers and she screeches, “Capn’ Gaby! There’s a monster!! Run!!!!!!”

The former Capn’ Mommy turned Kraken (apparently) assaults the ship, using her tentacles to grab shipmates Gurr and Bluebeau and drag them into the briny deep. Emerald scurries to save the crew, but the Kraken latches onto Capn’ Gaby, who has wandered too close to the monster’s reach, laughing hysterically (I think the scurvy has affected his brain). He kicks frantically, knocking out the middle of the ship and leaving two separate intact sides.

Leaping to her feet, Emerald declares the remaining sides neighboring castles. She is Queen Emerald of the kingdom to the right, Gabriel is King Gabriel to the left. Between the two is a drawbridge leading into the territories.

Stomp! Stomp! Stomp! Up the drawbridge, Mommy crawls—she can fit in this, maybe become a brave knight or noble court jester.

“AHHHHHH!!!!! The DRAGON!!!”

Crap.

“ROAR!!!!!” goes the dragon. “Ahhhh!!!!” go the monarchy, scrambling to protect their castles. The dragon attacks King Gabriel’s kingdom, tickling him mercilessly and burning his fortress to the ground. Tough-stuff, King Gabriel flees to the neighboring castle of Queen Emerald, though he is partially digested. The dragon burns this palace to the ground as well, leaving the entire land in disrepair.

Leaping from the wreckage, Emerald shouts “oh no! The giant stomped our castles!”

Why can’t for once I be the good guy? –sigh—

Growling as realistically as I can, I plod through the debris as the King and Queen run away, taking refuge in the faraway land of Brown Chair. Conferring with Gabriel, Emerald deduces, “The giant is sad because we didn’t invite hims to tea. (aside: I am a he now?! Come on, Emerald--give me a break!!!!) . We should throw hims a party!”

A short while later, I (the disgruntled giant) am the guest of honor at a party with Queen Emerald, Capn’ Gaby, Rex, Kraken-food Gurr, and a hot dog eating contest challenge. I am politely scarfing down nerf bullets like they are the greatest thing I have ever eaten, when I hear “I built stairs that go to the star! Come on mommy, Gaby-uhl. We going to space!”

Off on another adventure friends—I’ll let you know when we get back ;)

Bright Horizons Evaluations

At the end of each semester, the kids' daycare sends home an evaluation for each kid showing how they develop skills appropriate for their age, and I got Emerald's and Gabriel's today!

This is the highlights of what they said--

Gabriel:

Gabriel we all ready know is a bit behind in his development. It has been, in fact, a point of worry for us. But this evaluation is good because it is so easy to get caught up on what Gabe isn't doing, so it is good to look at what he is capable of doing, what he is good at.

For Social and Emotional Development:

Gabriel experiences Social Anxiety, but is getting better at coping with it. Social Anxiety is actually a necessary, natural emotional reaction to being separated from a child's primary caregiver, so this is a good trait.

He is also very affectionate, as some will be able to attest. He loves to give hugs and kisses and high fives, and gets excited to see special people.

He is starting to express his emotions through physical actions, such as clapping, throwing things, etc; he is exhibiting increasing independence; and is occasionally enthusiastic about playing with other kids.

Of the traits, he needs to keep working on imitation of other children and adults.

Movement and Gross Motor Development:

Gabriel is able to walk alone, run,climb up and down furniture on his own, crawl over low barriers, sit from a standing position, sit up in a child-sized chair, stand and balance upright, and jump off the floor with support. None of that should be a surprise, since Gabriel's strong suit has long been gross motor skills--he is a very physical child.

Still developing skills that we need to work on include: walks and pulls toys or other objects behind him; walks and carries large toys or several toys; stands on tiptoe; kicks a ball; walks up and down stairs holding on to support; moving in rhythm; and can throw a ball.

Reading through those, those are actually all qualities that we have witnessed that perhaps his school just did not have many opportunities to observe. Most of those, Gabriel is quite capable of.

Cognitive Development:

This is where Gabriel started having some trouble. He cannot sort by shapes or colors; he does not engage in make-believe play; and will not generally search for another person in the room. The rest of the skills he needs to develop, such as finding hidden objects; hiding toys; imitating sounds; understanding up and down, push, pull, and lift.

Language Development:

Obviously this was going to be one that he did not excel in.

Gabriel is not great at paying attention to speech. He doesn't really know when he is being asked a question; does not understand the concepts of "hot" and "cold"; he does not generally respond to verbal requests.

He is unable to name his family members, and only greets some people appropriately. A lot of words he does not understand, like action words and descriptive words. While he shakes his head "no" often, he doesn't seem to be doing to express disagreement so much as to feel his hair move. He does not imitate sounds he heads, and he uses no simple phrases.

Finally, Fine Motor Skills:

Gabriel is capable of, but needs to keep working on, his fine motor skills, including scribbling, showing hand dominance (they observed him favoring his left hand), pouring out a container's content (heck yes he has been doing that, the pain--likes making messes), building a block tower of 5 or more and knocking them over, sorting objects, and using a fork, spoon, and cup.

All in all, little man is doing really well--physically, he is doing great, though he needs to keep working on some things. Intellectually, he has some work to do, but he is making it.

His teachers said of him: "Gabriel is such a sweet little boy! I am excited for the day he is able to verbally communicate and tell us all about his adventures! His sweet smile is such a blessing and I know God has GREAT plans for Gabriel".

And "I have been blessed to have Gabriel in my life. He is a sweet and affectionate little boy! I can't wait to see who he grows to be".

Whew! That was an odyssey. Now on to Emerald!

Emerald is right on target or ahead of schedule on most every count. She is really coming along great.

Social and Emotional Development:

Our little social butterfly, Emerald is doing great in this regard--

She is interested in new experiences, cooperates with other children, plays "mom", and is increasingly inventive in fantasy play. She is able to dress and undress herself, and view herself as a whole person with body, mind, and feelings.

She is still working on how to negotiate solutions to conflicts and distinguishing between fantasy and reality.

Movement:

They had not seen Emerald cut with scissors, and is not strong at copying or drawing squares or circles, or drawing a person with two to four body parts.

Other than that, she is doing great--she is able to hop and stand on one foot, going up and down stairs without support, kicking, throwing, and catching a ball, tracing her letters, holding pencils and crayons, and gluing.

Language Development:

Since she has been in speech therapy for two years now, Emerald has strong language skills. She still struggles speaking clearly enough for strangers to understand, but is able to speak longer sentences and tell stories; and she can understand concepts of "same" and "different" as well as knowing some rules of grammar.

Cognitive Development:

There was only one thing they said she needed to work on in this category--having a clearer sense of time. Which is a hard subject for someone her age, I think.

She can correctly name colors, knows her numbers, follow three part commands, recalls stories, recognizes her letters, and sings the alphabet correctly.

Her teachers had to say of her:

"Emerald is an amazing little girl! She cares so much for everyone around her and always wants everyone to be happy. she is such a smart girl and loves trying new things . Thank you for sharing her with us!"

and "Emerald has really grown this year. It is so good to hear her vocabulary growing. She is such a smart girl and will find any way to express herself--which is probably why she's such a good painter and loves to sing! =) Thank you so much for sharing her!"

So that is what is going on with the little ones. Doing pretty good, I think =)

~Andie!~

Struggles

The last few days have been a bit of a struggle for Michael and me and the stress is getting to us both, so I figured it was time to evaluate what was going on so that we can pinpoint the problem and work towards a solution to reduce the overall tension.

Whew. That sentence itself was stressful.

Today I spent my entire day observing my little family unit. Here are my initial conclusions, surface as they may be:

Emerald first.

My darling little girl has been acting out a great deal lately. She is as sweet as ever, helping out around the house, cleaning up, singing....but she has also been fighting every one of us. I will ask her to do something, and she will look at me long enough to let me know that she heard me, but continue to do exactly what she was doing. She screams and yells and hollers at the top of her lungs whenever anyone gets onto her, and has been banging the walls and smacking her legs and head when stressed. Whenever Gabriel shows interest in anything, Emerald will take it from him every time, whether it is food or a toy or anything. She hasn't progressed to outright ignoring Michael, but if Michael tells Emerald to give Gaby back whatever she took, Emerald will throw it into the air or throw it at Gabriel.

Obviously, this is not the normal behavior of my little girl. Since there was no change in routine, I couldn't figure out why she was acting like this.

Okay, so this is probably obvious to everyone in the world, but it took me a few days to see it, which is probably exactly the problem--Emerald is acting out against me and Michael because we have been having to spend so much time and attention on Gabriel lately.

In the past few months, we have had doctors appointments that last hours and hours, plus ECI specialists coming out to talk about Gabe, study Gabe, help Gabe; people are constantly asking us how Gabe is doing, and we are forever talking about him; even this blog and my facebook will attest to how much time and effort and thought we have invested into Gabe and what is going on with him.

While it's understandable--this is kind of a consuming task and event--it is inexcusable that Emerald has felt that she has fallen to the wayside. I never want her to feel like she is not as loved and adored as Gabriel is. It is my goal that she knows how much her father and I cherish her, and how our family would not be complete without her.

It is hard sometimes to not be preoccupied with what is going on with my little boy right now, and Emerald is so smart and so strong and so independent that it is hard sometimes to see how sensitive she is, and how much she needs her parents love and adoration and attention.

In an effort to reduce the outright rebellion of my daughter, I have come up with a plan in order to ensure that she is getting more from me and Michael, though in the coming weeks we may have to tweak it to fit her and our needs.

1. I am going to stagger the kid's nap times more. Right now, Gabriel sleeps for two hours and she only sleeps for one, but I have been making her lay down for the entire two hours. Now, I will start putting Gabriel to sleep first, and then spend an hour just me and Emerald doing quiet things like reading, coloring, talking, playing with playdough, etc. before she lays down.

2. Up until now for convenience sake, we have been bathing/showering the kids together. They are still young enough where it is okay for them to share bath time, but for now, I am thinking that separating them would give them some more individual undivided attention that they would both benefit from.

3. Bedtime right now is about 8 pm. Since we are moving into the summer, I was thinking of bumping Gabriel's bedtime up to 7.30 and letting Emerald stay up until 8.30. That means that each of them would get their own personalized bedtime routine with Mommy, and that Emerald would get 1-on-1 time with Daddy every day.

I think that those, combined with a little more individual trips with Daddy to go to the store or going with Mommy to the park will help her feel more appreciated and valued as a family member. And getting even brief time away from Gabriel to be the center of attention will probably relieve some the mounting tension between the two of them.

All right, family member number 2: Gabriel

Gabriel has been acting out a lot since Wednesday. He has been increasingly aggressive and agitated, and more destructive around the house. Where he used to play more gently, he now tears up books, upends tables full of things, and empties his toy box. His normal disregard for instruction has gone even further, where he will be caught several times a day in the same transgression, such as scratching discs or eating chalk. Eye contact has gone way down and interpersonal interaction seems to be stressing him a great deal more than it has in the past. He is also more distrustful of the food and drink I offer him--when he saw me put his medicine in his cocoa, he refused to drink it.

I called in the professionals on this one, and this is what she had to say--there could be a few different reasons that Gabriel is acting out, including trying to cope with the trauma of the allergist the other day, physical discomfort from the tests, picking up on stress in the home, resentment toward me and Michael for our part in the testing and the subsequent medicating (including, heaven help us all, nasal spray), or just because he feels crummy from sickness or because of the new prescriptions that his body has not accustomed himself to. She said to give him a few days to adjust, and if he hasn't after the weekend, then call the doctor to make an appointment. The last time Gabriel had an abrupt digression and change in behavior like this, we were set back months and we still have not fully regained the ground we lost. We would like to avoid that happening again.

My plan to help Gabriel:

1. I am going to start getting him up earlier in the morning so that he and I can have some quiet bonding time in the morning before Emerald gets up. He is most aware and focused and calm in the morning, and would likely benefit from rebuilding that bond of trust and security and love that he has been suppressing.

2. The earlier bedtime will once again give him some one-on-one time with me, as well as hopefully a better, healthier night's sleep. His medication has been wearing on him, and I can see the drowsiness affecting him. Maybe part of his problem is exhaustion, plain and simple.

3. Since he spends every day at home with his mother and his sister, I worry that he is not getting the rough-and-tumble play that is necessary for boys his age, and that's why he is increasingly aggressive. During the day, I am going to plan more physical activities where he can throw a ball or run or wrestle and burn out that excess energy, as well as taking Emerald more so that Michael is able to engage more in roughhousing with his son uninterrupted.

4. I am going to find a way to make the medicine times less traumatic and stressful for Gabriel so that he doesn't mistrust us. I am currently looking for his soothing action--for Emerald it was deep pressure and brushing, but neither of those work for Gabriel. Maybe just doing the nasal spray right before I take him outside to enjoy the relaxing swing that he enjoys so much, or right before a walk around the block, might help.

Since I don't know exactly what is stressing Gabriel out, all of my plans could fail, but I am hoping that something will resonate with him and help us get him on a more even keel.

Michael is obviously stressed because of the children, work, school, and everything else that is going on. He works so very hard that he never gets to slow down, and because of it, he is becoming more and more harried and frazzled.

To help Michael, I really only have one plan as of now: help him out more wherever I can. If I can help him shoulder more of the burden, even if it is helping him find someone to delegate as help, then maybe he won't feel quite so overwhelmed by everything that is going on and start enjoying life a little bit more.

I guess that brings me to....me.

Why I am stressed is obvious. Every other member of my family is on edge. I am pregnant and getting practically no sleep, no time with my husband, no free time. I have little to no intellectual stimulation at home, and my whole world has had to stop and revolve around the children. My hobbies are practically non-existent. And even though every day I am called to be tough, to be strong, my emotions are so very fragile that I am getting wounded by small slights. That's not even mentioning the emotional turmoil that I have been going through for the bigger hurts. But even though my heart is frequently aching, I can't give in--I know I have to be tough because if I let everything get to me, I could be completely crushed, and I need to be intact for my family, for Gabriel, for Emerald, for Benjamin. I have to be strong for Michael, because he has to be strong too.

Talking things over with my mother helped, and these are the conclusions I have drawn.

I need to identify the things that I don't have to deal with right now, and put them on a shelf until I am ready to deal with them. Somethings are out of my control, and many things are not going to change anytime soon, so I shouldn't let them worry me, because there is always tomorrow. I have too much going on in the here-and-now, today, for me to go seeking out problems that can wait.

The lack of sleep is to be expected--call it hazards of being pregnant. But I can utilize that time more as time for me, to indulge in the things I enjoy, things I don't have to do for anyone but me. It may be a good time to figure out exactly what I do enjoy, something I can be passionate about, so that I have more drive and motivation.

I can use my intellect more to help solve problems for Michael so that he has less of a burden to carry, or as part of my "me" time to enjoy (like sodoku, writing a novel, crosswords, or becoming more fluent in sign language).

Finally, I need to be less hard on myself and on Emerald and Gabriel and Michael. We are all doing the best we can, and that's all I can ask or expect out of any of us. At the end of the day, we aren't doing so bad. I shouldn't be fretting myself over what we haven't done or what we aren't doing or how anyone else is doing. God has always taken care of us, and He has given me no reason to think He would stop now.

As it is, I am starting to droop noticeably, so I am going to try and get some rest--tomorrow is a new day.

~Andie~

Specialist Appoint #1: The Allergist

Also known as worst day ever.

This morning, Gabriel had the first of his three specialist appointments. This one was with a pediatric allergist and immunologist to see if Gabriel's frequent sinus infections and bad allergies were contributing to his speech delays. The theory there of course being--sinus infections usually cause a stuffiness and associated ear infections, both of which result in difficulty hearing. Since he has gotten sick so often from this, it is possible that he has just missed out a good chunk of hearing the last couple of years.

With all the specialists, we are kind of throwing everything against the wall and seeing what sticks. Which sounds bad, I know, but since we don't know what is causing Gabriel's developmental delays, we don't want to prematurely label him with a developmental, social, or mental disorder that will follow him around throughout school and for the rest of his life if it was something manageable, something treatable.

That being said, allowing Gabriel to continue to be out of commission for several months every year because of severe allergies is not a reasonable alternative anyway, but this was going to be a difficult test.

When Emerald was younger than Gabriel--I remember that we didn't have him yet--she was getting suspicious rashes around her mouth while eating. We could not pinpoint on our own what the common factor that could have resulted in the rash, so we were referred to an allergist for her as well. The test was fairly easy--she didn't cry, barely fussed. She has never had a problem with being restrained, and was more curious about what the scratches on her back were than anything else. The whole affair was a relatively painless ordeal in which they tested her for some 16 common allergens--all of which turned up negative--and we decided to be more aware in the future if she had any more reactions; she never did.

This trip was nothing like that one.

It is in a building that we have never been to, so we are a little uneasy to begin with. The benefit of the kids' pediatrician office is that it has everything in one place--the labs, x-rays, hospital, and even my OB and specialist. One stop shop.

But it's a nice building and the receptionist is helpful, so it's not too bad. Sitting in the waiting room, all the patient rooms face out toward us with their doors closed, so we are able to hear more than we care to hear in there.

Specifically, a girl screaming and crying and begging not to get poked with any more needles.

Due to some unintentional eavesdropping, I discover that she is a 16 year old patient that has been here many times before and has had lots of tests, so she now has a severe phobia of needles; and she has to get some 8 sticks.

I feel for the girl; I do. But her screaming and carrying on was really shredding my nerves.

The wait was not outrageous. It was only about 30 minutes before we got called back, and they did apologize for that--apparently, it is a busy day of the week for them, since they were seeing a lot of new patients.

The nurse takes down some history and is asking why we got referred and I am really starting to struggle to answer questions. Normally, I have my notebook that is filled with pertinent information and any questions I might have for the doctor, but I wasn't really sure what to be expecting with this visit, and the girl screaming nearby still had me on edge, Michael was incredibly tense as well, and the smell of Gabriel's mousse was making me dizzy and lightheaded. At that moment, I didn't have the foggiest notion as to why we were there, or what we were accomplishing. I felt foolish, like we were wasting everyone's time, especially since Gabriel does not have the traditional "allergy" signs like itchy, watery eyes or sneezing.

Finally, the doctor comes in and he examines Gabriel and explains what is going on to us as he is asking questions. Dr. Shome determined that Gabriel has sinusitis (inflammation of the sinuses) that is conducive to chronic sinus infections. All right, kind of all ready knew that, but right on. Sure.

He then explains the prescription regimen that he was putting Gabriel on. Nasal spray to cut down on the inflammation; two types of allergy medication to keep the symptoms in check; and finally a six-week antibiotic course that will clear him right up.

Dr. Shome said that it was possible that Gabriel could be experiencing some hearing loss as a result of the frequent sinus congestion, but we are still not positive that is what is causing it. We will start seeing if that is the case in about six weeks when he finishes with the antibiotics.

After the talk, he ordered the scratch test.

That is about the time everything started going right to crap.

On his back, Gabriel got 40+ scratches, and he received 8 on his tiny little arm. Now, this is actually really good because not so long ago, he would have had to actually endure that many needles poking into him. That would have gone much worse.

One thing you need to know about Gabriel is that there are few things in this world he hates as much as he hates being restrained. He hated being swaddled as a newborn, could never cope with being held too tight as an infant, and as a toddler, restricting the movement of his arms and legs is akin to torture for him. For Emerald, it made her feel safe and secure and helped her calm down. I guess that goes to show how very different siblings can be, even at this young of an age.

Michael had to hold Gabriel's arms and head still while I compressed from his hips down--first they wrote up and down his back, and then the scratching began. I don't think Gabriel ever felt as betrayed in his little life--he was squalling as loudly as he possibly could and fighting against us with the full force of his surprising strength.

That's something I never considered before I had children. When they are toddlers, they will really surprise you with their strength. I think that's because they have no concept of holding back. Michael and I obviously cannot use our entire strength to hold him because he could hurt himself, but Gabriel was fighting with everything he was worth.

The arm test went much faster and they were able to leave the room because the results had to be read after 20 minutes, which gave me a chance to cuddle Gabriel and try and calm him down.

Now, to keep from invalidating the test, we need to try and touch his arm and back as little as possible; not let him scratch or rub up against anything or lie down. This is where Michael and I got a little tense with one another because I wanted to hold and soothe Gabriel, but Michael was afraid that I would mess up the test and we would have to come back and re-do it.

Luckily, that was not the case--they came back in 20 minutes later and determined that everything came back negative.

What?!?!?

EVERYTHING came back negative?! They are testing for all the common allergens, and we have seen Gabriel suffer long enough to know that this is definitely allergies. He can't be allergic to NOTHING!

Well, apparently those results aren't that uncommon in a child Gabriel's age. A lot of times, they don't react to anything except for the control stick, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he is not allergic to it.

Then why did we do it in the first place?! That was HORRIBLE!! Argh!!

Because if he had reacted, then we could have put him on a more targeted medicine regimen that would be more beneficial than the broad-scope. Okay, fine. Cool. The test is done with, we got our prescriptions called in, we got to talk to the doctor. Let's go home; we are all worn out.

Oh, no. That is not what they had in mind for this little family.

They would like to also check his blood to make sure that they didn't miss anything on the back scratch test, as well to check him for some immune disorders. All of that can be performed downstairs.

Unfortunately, the sweat-test that they ordered as well to check for cystic fibrosis cannot be performed downstairs; it will have to be done at the lab at the hospital, which means that we are going to do all the lab work at the hospital.

Frick!

That's way far away. At least it's (sort of) on our way home, and we are familiar with the building.

The first test is done on one side of the giant building, the second on the other. Great.

Overall, the blood test went really well. There was a big Toy Story 3 poster in there with a cuddly-huggaly Lotso prominently featured, and Lotso is Gabriel's favorite character, so he is happy going in. They have to restrain him again, but he barely cries, even when they stick him. Maybe he has run out of energy--maybe he is too tired to fight us any more.

Wrong.

We walk all the way down to the next lab over and they attach two electrode things straight out of the fridge to Gabriel's arm. The wires from these electrodes are attached to a battery, but I am not entirely positive how it works. On one arm, Gabriel still has the binding around the crook of his arm which we can't take off yet because he would still be bleeding; on the other, they are running the test which means that Gabe cannot move it until that portion of the test is completed.

The terrified, enraged, exhausted, hungry howls that followed were some of the most inescapable my child has ever produced, and it shook me and Michael very badly to see him so very, very upset. We were trying so hard to calm him down, but he was turning red all the way into his hair and screaming as though his life depended on it, coupled with the very insistent yanking of his arms to get them free. All in all, this portion must have only lasted 10-15 minutes, but it seemed like hours and hours.

Finally, the machine beeped and we were able to put a monitor on him which had to remain in one place for 30 minutes, and then we would finally (finally!) be able to go back home. The best part of the monitor is that we were able to wander around the hospital with Michael carrying Gabriel instead of sitting in one place trying to entertain the little guy.

We walked for a while but ended up in the waiting room with vending machines. After a few fistfuls of fruit snacks, Gabriel was begrudgingly grunting at us again. A few cheesy crackers, and he had progressed to pleasant babbling. The gatorade brought him back to making eye contact and signing again. He was quite hurt and offended by the whole affair, but at least he decided he was not going to be holding it against his parents.

Now we are home with Gabriel napping and me and Michael trying to shake off a very emotionally, physically, and mentally draining morning. Hopefully in the next few days, we will called with some test results--the nurse said that if we have not heard from them in a while, assume it is good news, but that is not how I play. I will probably start calling back this afternoon or tomorrow looking for answers. We have picked up all of the prescriptions and will be starting them tonight, so I sincerely hope we start seeing a change in how Mr. Gabriel is feeling soon.

~Andie~